DH does not like my family - advice needed!!

[EmilyJane]

My dh is a great husband and father - he just does not get on with my family. I live 100 miles away from my Mum and Dad and near to my dh's family. I get on fine with them and have lived away from my family for 10 years. I see my family fortnightly - they visit me and dd1 and dd2. When I visit them (about every six weeks) I take my daughters on my own. They try to come on a Friday when dh is at work. My husband is rude and uncommunicative with my parents on the occasions when we all meet. His family call a spade a spade and my family are not like that. Like all his family, he is quite loud and shouts - my family do not like arguing. When I ask my husband about his behaviour he says that it is my family's fault - they have never liked him. Am I right to keep him separate from my family? My parents always include my younger sister in any visits. My sister has learning difficulties and her behaviour is quite strange at times - I know he finds this uncomfortable and my family are very protective of her.

it's a pity that your husband and parents don't get on, but definitely sounds like it will be a better atmosphere for all concerned if your husband avoids your family. if your kids mention your family, does he criticise them?

is he like this with your mates/other people, or just your family?

You obviously make the effort for his family, why can't he make the effort for yours? Have you tried pointing this out to him? Most of us learn how to moderate our behaviour to fit in with social situations - if your dh won't do that for your family then he's being deliberately rude (or is very immature).

Nice that your family travel such a long way to see you regularly, sound as if they are very supportive.

Thanks for the advice. My dh is fine with my friends and other people. Although, unlike my family he cannot hide his feelings and if he doesn't like someone - they know it. He doesn't criticise my family to my kids and doesn't talk about them at all. My Mum and sister have just come stayd for two nights and he has been ok, I discussed my feelings at length and he made the effort. I'm lucky that I come from a close family and I sometimes wonder if he's a bit jealous.

You know, sometimes people just don't get on. I don't get on with my inlaws... They are just different people to me, and the more I see them, the more they wind me up. In the past, it has led to rows between DH and I. So now, i don't see them. They visit when I'm at work, and it works great. No rows between Dh and I. He and DD gets to see them, but I don't have to. Equally, though I never force him to see my family... If we're invited, I say I'm going, come if you want, if you don't want to - fine. So it works both ways.

We can't all get on with everyone in life... and I think its unrealistic to expect everyone to. If this works, causes no rows etc, then let it be. (But I would insist that when he does meet up for Xmas, family dos etc - he should be on best behaviour and not say anything! That's what i do, but then you can manage that if it is only a couple of times a year!)