Do I need to put up with blatantly disrespectful behaviour from H now we're separated?

[tiredoftherain]

I don't have a clue how to handle this one and manage to stay calm and civil. H and I have been separated since the end of September, he was cheating for some months but claims it was "only" an emotional affair until we split. I know otherwise, and there is no doubt that they are together now.

We've been sharing looking after the dc's at weekends, h isn't around at all during the week due to work. This weekend I have a party invite for dc1, and have asked h to take care of dc2 who isn't invited (although I'm sure they wouldn't mind him going), but more importantly is too young for the party venue. It's a big deal for ds1 as he has mild SN and I'm always happy when he gets invited to parties. I really couldn't cope at the place with both dc's, it would be dangerous to try tbh, and have absolutely nobody else to ask for childcare as all family on both sides are away.

H has said no, the reason being that he's out with OW tonight, and wants a lie in tomorrow morning rather than having to get an early train back from where he's staying. He plans to come back later in the day and take the dc's off for the weekend.

I feel sick to the stomach that this is happening, the children and I are being shafted again and I can't do anything about it. Do I just have to take this treatment now we're separated? There is no appealing to H's conscience, he does what he wants, when he wants. any advice welcome.

Well, guess what? A text out of the blue, he has changed plans tomorrow so he will be back now..

God knows what's prompted the change of heart, and I'll wait to see if he materialises tomorrow or whether a last minute hitch prevents him boarding the train! I don't think he's suddenly developed a conscience but it's curious that he's suddenly given in - it's probably a precursor to him asking me for some vast favour..

As soon as I'm moved, I'll be fine for childcare, it's a sortable issue (but one I've been living with for a long time) The dc's are gorgeous and he's the one who'll miss out.

And thanks, defluff, we (or I) really did try but it's impossible to sort a relationship out while there's an OW hovering in the wings methinks. The fresh, new option that doesn't involve putting in work is always going to be more attractive to someone like H.

another one here with similar exh and I don't think it's about babysitting Bonsoir I think it's about the NRP seeing the dcs to suit their agenda and giving tired a break.

I do have a written agreement btw but its not really worth the paper its written on

I now have absolutely zero expectations of exh bar his 24hours every fortnight and two hours one day per week.

And if anyone thinks that is enough time for a father to maintain a proper relationship with his dcs I'll eat my hat!

I'm also sure that the dcs are hurt by it.

i have one of these too, doesnt matter what he "agrees" on, he seems to make his own mind up depending on what suits him

Yes I'm noticing some familiar names on here from the fit and interesting men thread on lone parents.

I expect it's too soon for you Tired but when you feel ready or even a bit curious come over and join us.

It's often a welcome distraction from the crap that's being given out by exhs/p in RL.

And yes you are stronger than you think.

thanks sincity, have lurked there a little lately, maybe it's time to come and say hello properly! The idea does take some getting used to, but it sounds like I'm in good company anyway.

Tired - I know you won't be thinking of that kind of thing yet but I met my DP after my arse of a exH left and I can truly say I have never been happier. He is a fantastic stepfather to my dd and I am due to give birth to our dd early Jan.

Just wanted to let you know that, if that is the path you choose, there is light at the end of the tunnel. I know when exH left I was so bewildered and hurt and I just couldn't even begin to imagine how mine and dd's life would ever be ok again.

Obviously I am 4 years odd down the line but wanted you to know that there is life after these men, whether on your own or with someone else x

thanks defluff, it's lovely to hear that it worked out well for you in the end! One of my best friends was hurt in the worst way and is also completely loved up with a wonderful man 4 years on who treats her DD's totally as his own. She says her divorce was actually the best thing that could have happened to her.

I'm fine as I am right now, way too soon to think about anything (and I don't think I even know any single men right now!) but I'd love to think I'll eventually meet someone else, who'll like me for me, rather than always be looking for the greener grass. Am determined not to be bitter, that's not going to do me any favours in the long run.