Please talk to me I'm feeling suicidal...DH has gone I think

[JustLost]

Have namechanged as he knows my name.

DH and I had a terrible row and he has now not come home. I called him several times with no answer...he then called me back to tell me how miserable I make him. All I could hear in the background (and worse, the foreground) were women giggling and shrieking. He sounded like he is outside.

I can't believe he is doing this to me. He doesn't even have the balls to speak to me to my face, and is flaunting his new found (?) friends at me.

I have locked the doors but he will rage when he tries to get in. I don't know what to do.

I have a history of self harm and depression and am just teetering on the edge now after days of nastiness. I have no one to talk to. Please....I am just so sad and don't know what to do. I know this doesn't make much sense, I'm sorry

Hey, please don't self harm - there are people here who will able to help (I hope). Am bumping this for you as I want someone out there to help you. I could offer a load of platitudes but as I don't know the circs of what's happened tonight it would be silly of me to do that. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone, and that there are people here who will listen and offer thier perspectives if that's what you want.

if your relationship is over then its time for self preservation. think of how your future will be...housing,money etc...

what about staying with family/friends??

do you have anyone who could come round and sit with you so you are not alone (do you have any dc, if so where are they?)

I'm sorry JustLost, you poor thing. I've no experience to help you with but wanted to send you good vibes and a hug. Can you phone someone like Samaritans if you are feeling as though you might harm yourself? I'm praying for you and want you to make yourself a nice cup of hot tea or hot chocolate or something. I know that sounds daft but it might calm you down. Is he violent? If he comes back and threatens please please call the police. He's probably just at the pub and trying to make you feel worse. xx

It sounds like this is something he's done before, by your talk of what will happen when he tries to get in.

What happened the last time?

From what you say, this sounds like something he's doing to get a reaction out of you ...

I don't live in the UK anymore, and sad as it sounds I don't know anyone well enough to call them.

If you know who I am please don't out me.

I just don't know how anyone can do this to a person they claimed so often to love. Doesn't he love me? Or is he just fucked up? I don't know.

The place we live is not women-friendly so if I called the police they would probably make it my fault somehow, and anyway I've had a glass of wine which is enough to be locked up for.

I am just so....I just want to go out or do something, or go and find him and his little bitch but I can't. Can't even get out as he has the car.

I'm sorry I don't really know what I'm asking. I just need to get it out IFYSWIM?

Is he cheating? It will kill me. I can't handle this. No DC here luckily.

I have had experiences of self harm, like you have.

Please please call The Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90.

I have done in the past, and before I rang I felt like I was wasting their time and being over-dramatic etc. However, after I finished speaking to the nicest lady I have ever spoken to I felt so much better and so much less 'on the edge', if you see what I mean. It gave me just enough strength to figure out a plan for that night and the next day. And just by their helping me get that far, I managed to figure out the rest somehow.

If you have self-harmed before, I am hoping that you recognise that how you feel now is not a permanent state. It bloody hurts like hell now and feels all encompassing. However, there WILL be a time when you can look back on this with a different perspective.

Please do call the Samaritans to get some help with getting through this short period of time. DO not worry about what to do next week or next year, just concentrate on the here and now.

And remember a motto that has really helped me through the good and bad times 'this too shall pass'.

Big big BIG hugs to you. xXx

I think that your dh is treating you like crap and that you deserve better. I think that he is trying to get a reaction. Please try to be strong and phone the Samaritans. No man is worth killing yourself over though- especially not a man who plays with your feelings.

I don't know if he is cheating but I think he wants a reaction.

Use this link to find a version of The Samaritans in your country. x

Can you get a flight back to UK as soon as possible?

Get on the websites and book a flight home. Do you have family that you can go to?

No he didn't bring me here, we came before we met and met here. He has just been on the phone insisting he would never cheat on me but...well words are easy to spit out aren't they?

Apparently this is all my fault. Surprise surprise. I just don't how this went so wrong, things were never this bad and then suddenly one fight turns it all.

I can't come home now, but am scheduled to go with DH next week. That will be lovely explaining to my judgmental family why he isn't with me. There is just too much to cope with on my own...too much. He tried to twist it on the phone now saying that it was my fault he was not home, as I hadn't asked him to come back. I stood up for myself surprisingly and told him I won't ask him to, he is perfectly able to make his own choice (although the door is locked) and maybe he will be more comfortable with his lovely friends.

I admit it I am a complete doormat. Well I would call it forgiving, but others would say doormat. I just don't know if/how to end it. I do love him so much, but I am awake enough to know if I let him do this to me it will never end.

Wish I was home right now. Really do...it's so hard being away from everyone

Going to sleep now it's late here. Thank you all, it has helped to get it out and read your support. I will just try to sleep

Darling JustLost. I've lived in a place unfriendly to human-beings, let alone women... I've lived in a country in the ME. I had no RL friends at all for the longest time, and then only a couple, both mostly via text and email...

I've had rows with DH, he's stormed out, he's stayed away.. to begin with it was hard, especially cos you are on your own in a strange land, and one that's not hospitable to lone foreign women... so no chance of going out on your own....

I've been hit, knowing that no-one would bat an eyelid, the police wouldn't take it seriously, and in fact, calling th epolice out there would probably make a bad situation worse.. they'd want bribes etc. I chucked him out that day tho, I didn't back down.

Oh, I'm also an ex-depressive and suicide survivor... so I know how black it can get.

I hope to catch you before you go to bed, please, a couple of words of advice..

Don't Panic.

If he has somewhere to stay out, let him. If he doesn't (and if this is ME country...) locking him out of the house could be the absolute end of the marriage... so I'd advise that you go to bed, but leave it so he 'can' come back.

Everything will be better in the morning. Leave it all to just sit and calm down a bit for now. Winding yourself up won't help you, and it won't actually affect anyone else...

Sending calming vibes your way, all wrapped up in a great big hug. You are not alone now!

OP, are you in Eastern Europe?