Separation looming - any experiences of divorce battles?

[jessie27]

My sister is (finally) close to asking her H to move out. It has been 3 years of unreasonable behaviour and misery. They have a 3-year-old child. Divorce will, in the long run, be the best option for them all - no-one could stay that miserable for much longer and I would love to see my sister have a second chance at finding the right person - or just being happier in herself.

But there is a rocky road ahead. Nobody thinks her H is going to take this well at ALL.

And very recently my sister has struck up what is fast becoming far more than a friendship with a colleague. I would go so far as to call it an emotional affair, and despite everything her H has done wrong, I think that morally and practically my sister needs to stop this NOW.

Morally, it's pretty obvious why!!

But practically, I am worried what will happen if her H finds out about any of this, either before or after she asks him for a legal separation or divorce. Up until this emotional affair, I had thought (hoped!) a divorce would be as straightforward as is ever possible where one party is an agressive control freak - I knew there would be custody issues to fight over. But I am worried that if he discovers the emotional affair, it will make this worse.

Could he use this to fight for greater custody?

And could it have an impact on a financial settlement? My sister had more ££ than him going into the marriage (she bought their house) but she has been a SAHM for a long time now. Could her 'affair' (so far unconsummated, thank heavens) play against her in court?

These might be really basic or stupid questions but I am trying very hard to get a picture of what it is really like out there when you are going through a nasty divorce.

Thanks so much.

Hi there. No, even if she had committed adultery, it would have no bearing whatever on the financial division.

So far as residence of her child is concerned, the only way in which even an adulterous relationship would be at all relevant was if she was living with the other guy and the dad made an application to the court on the basis that it was in some way harmful to the child to be living with the boyfriend.

So, in a nutshell, the courts, when deciding all this stuff frankly don't care or want to know the reasons for the breakdown of the marriage, only what would be fair financially and for the child.

She will no doubt be issuing her petition based on his unreasonable behaviour. His solicitor will advise him to let it go through as it's never worth arguing whose fault it was, all that does is increase the emotional and financial cost for both parties.

She shoudl get herself a free half hour appointment with a family law specialist. try www.resolution.org.uk to find a local one.

Thank you so much mumblechum, that is really helpful...