I'm being a pyscho, but I need advice

[GreatForest]

Ok, basically i've set up a fake facebook page. Added a load of random people as friends ... specifically for the purpose of also adding DP's ex wife.

She's daft enough to add me, despite not knowing who I am.

I've never met her or spoken to her before.

The reason I am doing this is because my partner has lied to me many, many times before about various things. I've found texts from her on his phone (which he denied and deleted) and he never would give me a straight answer as to why they split.

However, I have recently seen controlling/aggressive behaviour in him lately and wonder if this is what she saw also. Last time I asked for advice on here, someone told me to find a way of speaking to his ex. This is what I am trying to do.

I've still not spoken to her yet, just added her as a friend. My question is:

Am I being a complete nut job and should I just stop this before it gets any deeper?

Or

Should I go ahead and try and make conversation with her. If he can't be honest, maybe she will?

Dunno if you're doing the right thing but i understand why you're doing it.

Would it not just be easier to ring her?

It seems a little...extreme.

No I can't ring her, I don't even know her. Never spoken to her before.

Reality, he does have good points. Unfortunately he seems terrified of his ex and so constantly panders to her every whim. I wonder what hold she has on him.

It seems like a lot of effort to catch someone out that who you don't trust anyway? If he is lying about texts and contact, is that not your answer rather than going to all the trouble of talking to the ex?

Good Lord just stop it. It is really disturbing tbh

If you're that bothered I'd just email her directly, explain who you are and what you want to know. I'd be happy to explain about H to save some poor unfortunate from falling for the same tricks I did.

But going to the trouble of setting up a whole fake page is a bit OTT though!

Oh for Christ's sake - your beef is not with this woman - it's that you're dating a twat. Stop acting like a lunatic, delete the page and get rid of him.

Normal, healthy relationships do not revolve around lies, deceipt and fake bloody facebook pages!

Dunno about the DSD/box room, Reality, but it is the same poster whose X is trying to get residence of the kids for money.

I dunno, what do you think...

i was with someone 15 years ago and his ex aproached me screaming and shouting all sorts of things about him. i chose to ignore i put it down to a jealous ex. god i wish i had took the time to listen to her. he was a control freak who beat me up on a regular basis. i am out of it all now thank god. so if this is the only way you can get to speak to her go for it. good luck and i hope you get the answers you are looking for

Just email her via facebook, using your real name and telling her why you are doing this. Realistically, you will never be able to bring up what you want in 'conversation' without it seeming suspicious and it would take ages to build a relationship with her where she'd feel okay about emailing you in the first place. It won't work.

Worst case scenario is that she tells him before contacting you. His reaction will then tell you all you need to know.

And what is he going to do when he finds out you have done this behind his back?

He has deleted texts / you have created a fake FB page.

Why can't you just sit down with him and talk?

ANd what makes you think the ex wife will be honest with you? Or even talk to you? Or not get straight on the phone to him and tell him what you are up to?

Put yourself in his shoes?