Anger, and getting through it..

[feelingpositivemum]

Has anyone any quick tips for getting through the anger stage of a break up without me ending up stood in the middle of the road, screaming to our friends what a complete tosser he was throughout our marriage and how this devastated show he puts on is all part of the act.

If anyone else tells me how much weight he has lost and how he's taking it bad, I will not be responsible.

I am so, so, so, so angry at the sh*t he put me through, it overwhelms me, it's all I can think about, I have a blinding headache from it and I would like to make a huge poster of it and stick it up in our school playground.

I know this anger is positive, I know that it will help me move forward, I know that as he continues to consume my mind he continues to control me, but what I don't know is how to stop it.

I didn't mean it to be an essay, just a huge rant. I am supposed to be working but all I can think about is what he did...

Ahh.....

Next person says he has lost weight reply 'yes, guilt will do that to a person' with a knowing look

it's very tempting and I have done that a couple of times. I'm trying to maintain my composure and dignity by keeping it all secret for the childrens sake. Very hard though as it's very tempting to tell all.

Apparently, by being quiet and dignified you feel better in the end. Just not now!

I know exactly how you feel. I was quiet and dignified for quite a while but eventually people started working it out for themselves, and it feels a heck of a lot better that they know!!

I think it's fine to feel angry, (at least I hope so because I am) I'm just trying not to do anything hastily. God, it's tempting to email the OW, but I've managed to resist that one as I know I'd feel better for 5 minutes and then feel stupid.

When you say you're keeping it all secret, does anyone at all know?

Yes, I have a few friends and my mum and sister who have to endure hours of me raging down the phone.

They are a brilliant support but it's those evenings that are so hard, and I'm sure they can only listen to so much.

I did ring his OW's phone yesterday and she answered. Of course, all she said was 'hello' so that was that really. Not sure what I was supposed to get from that but what Ireally wanted to do was say, 'What are you doing? Let me tell you a story...Save yourself and run!'

I hate that he still has this hold on me, I've cancelled him coming to tea tonight and I've had so many phonecalls with a variety of different reasons why he needs to come.

Before he goes out to see OW.

I'm glad you have them. Don't worry, everyone else will work it out for themselves, and if they don't, you don't need them.

Try not to phone OW if you can possibly manage not to. You have no obligation to warn her of anything. Believe me I've been sorely tempted to do the same, but ultimately the affair will need to play itself out, and me getting involved will only add to H's case that I'm bitter, or unhinged. Better to maintain complete silence. She knows what she's done, she'll have to live with it, and I don't want to engage with her in any way. She doesn't deserve to hear a thing from me.

I've temporarily dropped contact with H, other than for dc's. He used to phone every night, now we get the odd text. Much much easier to deal with. I used to feel sick in anticipation of the nightly call. Hopefully it will get easier, and eventually things will be more amicable but while it's so raw, I think it's easier this way.

Anger is part of the process. Let it out, and it will stop being so strong in time.

Thanks, unfortunately, I work with him so spend most days stuck in same room as him in my old house!

I am as quickly as possible trying to extricate myself from business and get out, but difficult at the moment.

I know it will get better, and the anger is a good thing to help me motivate to get away, just wish it was 6 mths down the line now.

Also, anger has taken me by surprise, I thought I was over it all and just so pleased to be out of relationship.