I have had a revelation, DS's behaviour - I think I understand

[ByThePowerOfGreyskull]

he has always pushed me away,and I think I know why

I was bamboozeled during my pregnancy, he was a community baby, everyone said he was "their baby" grandparents, aunties. friends, and because of the faubles of my personality I believed them, I really felt (until this weekend) that he didn't need me he just needed someone to care for him and love him.

I think he has picked up those vibes all his life and has rejected my affection when I tried to give it.

DS2 on the other hand was mine without question and we have a very different relationship.

I just hope now that by giving over and over again to DS1 that he will realise that I will always be there for him not just someone. I feel so bad for him, and only hop ethat I have time to fix things (he is 5 now)

i agree with you. it might be a slow road, but maybe slow and steady will show him how consistently and strongly you love him?

I'm glad you have had an insight and can see a road ahead which is, quite rightly, to give unconditional love and support to your son and to build that vital bond which seems to be missing.

When you say a community baby what do you mean? Do you have 'commune' style living arrangements with other families or other members of your own family? My sister has lived and raised her daughters in communes, squats and housing co-ops over the years but there was never any suggestion that anybody other than she should take care of and bond with her children. So, when you refer to the faubles (sic) of your personality, do you mean you let others dominate you and take over the child rearing? If so, have you fully addressed these issues and taken back control?