Scared to love again after 2 painful break ups...

[chocolatespiders]

After nursing 2 broken hearts i have avoided getting involved with anyone for 5 years- I ahve worked hard on making my heart string again and i dont want to risk gettting it broken again... then... went to a party 3 months ago and met a gorgeous man.. we have been seeing each other since one night a weekend... but i am so scared of getting hurt again and i feel that i put a barrier up around me that no one will ever get passed.. No man has ever made me feel like he does- he makes me feel compleatly cherished..which i have never had and i really dont want to lose him..

How can i let my barriers down a bit to enjoy this new relationship and not push him away....

What you are talking about is self harm. Not the cutting yourself on purpose type of self harm but self harm all the same.

At some point you will need to let the barrier down or perhaps spend years wishing you had.

Only slightly off-topic. A while ago the key-note speaker at a conference I attended was a lady who had overcome tremendous problems in her first 15 years. She had gone on a successful career by telling herself that the past has passed but the future is still to be decided. I found it very motivating and always wish I tell her so.

would you really see it as a form of self harm?

i like the quote about the past and the future

yeah, you are sabotaging your future by hanging on to the past.

Feel the fear and do it anyway, as the saying goes....

If you allow yourself to put up these barriers, you are somehow allowing those 2 heart breakers to claim your life still, to dictate that you will never be happy because of them.

I don't think they deserve to have that kind of power over you.

3 months is early days, so go easy, but see if you can get to know this man a little more, a little longer, and let him in bit by bit. So far, so good!

Good luck chocolatespiders!

"If you are sabotage your future by hanging on to the past you are self harming."

There are of course situations where undoing the harm of the past is very difficult. Childhood abuse or neglect comes to mind but in your case you could let go?

Agree with the others and have been in exactly the same boat but you have to start living in the present. Try and trust the fact that this man makes you feel cherished and isn't like the others. Otherwise you really are sabotaging your own happiness.

Good men do exist, I've finally met one and like you have only known him a short time but I feel adored for the first time in my life and am learning to trust the feeling.