Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

aaarghhh... why can't we just have a nice night out...

18 replies

yousaidit · 06/12/2009 22:25

... instead of last night? two dcs, hoofed them off to grandparents for a rare (at dp's hinted wishes) night out. it was great, didn't have to remembver to close safety child gates, ate tea in front of telly without being harrased to share tea or make sure small people were being fed, get washed and dressed for a night out at a leisurely pace, no bedimes to sort out... you know that luxury i'm talking about, don't you?

so, ff we go to meet a big bunch of friends for a fab pub crawl, me and dp both tired but enjoying it, then really knackered and head home, not dp has been dropping massive comments all evening about how we're going tp do 'loads of shagging' because, typical f lots of parents with small dc's, its not happening that ooften. i'm tired before we go out but wrecked when we get back. before we even get to the house dh announces really loudly 'well i'll just have to accept we're never going to have sex again, are we? i mean i've go used to it so there'. Riiigggght, ok, i ignore this as dp now being cranky and v drunk, then i go in and go to bed, turn lights off, dh marches upstairs wanting to know why i've left al the lights on, (think that was being clver?) then crashes into bed and falls asleep.

so, no sex for dp, in morning he can't remember any of this and looks mortified. Me? fed up. i am bone tired, i have to assign dp child care duties for a couple of hours on a weekend so i can catch up with cleaning etc and this obviously means dp is contender fot martyrdom. Why do i now feel so much pressure to have sex? we do, just not as often, and dh is always dropping stupid comments that now make me feel self conscious and i would never have seen myself as feeling like this. bleurg, just feel a bit better for typing down things. just v fed up that a good night out got ruined, as usual.

OP posts:
MrsMattie · 06/12/2009 22:34

Next time you get a night off, don't go out on the piss. Stay in. Have bubble bath. Drink wine. Shag.

diddle · 06/12/2009 22:35

ditto!
pressure pressure pressure, not enjoying it.
Have 3 under 4 yr olds and just feel pooped all the time.
Men don't understand us.
so sorry you're evening got ruined.
Was hoping to find some post abouts this issue tonight as DH has been pestering for a bit of fun in the bedroom and i've been knackered or not in the slightest up for it. He seems to think he can moan and graon at me all day long and then turn on the charm at bedtime and i'll forget all thats happened in the day.
Does my head in.

yousaidit · 06/12/2009 22:37

would have loved to do something along those lines, but dh was desperate for us to go out as 'a couple' like we used to... i stopped drinking when i felt a bit drunk and steadiued with soft drinks but dh just tanked on, obviously enjoying being out on the piss as a couple.

aah, i dream of scrabble....

OP posts:
yousaidit · 06/12/2009 22:43

diddle, i totally understand what you mean, as soon as dcs off, dp was making awful 'right, where are you ripping your knickers off' comments that are soooo not a turn on, and i'm like, eh? just finished cleaning, wash basket is exploding across our bedroom, backed up by nearly every day an attempted grope alomg with 'i don't mean t, donm't be mad, i'm not groping, you know i don't mind....'

aaargghhhhhhhhh. i'd feel more inclined if i gt some spare time to myself, first of all!!! i worked out thta during the week i have less than 2 hours without dcs from when i get up to when they go to bed and after they go top bed i make tea and do ironing and washing. i feel sick to the back teeth of always feeling like i have to be there with someone else all the time and klooking after / enetraining someone instead of being able to be by myself with no interuptions / distractions / keeping eyes in the back of my head...

OP posts:
SantaClausImWorthIt · 06/12/2009 22:48

What you have to remember is that men need sex to feel that they are loved. Unfortunately, women need to feel loved before they want sex!

A bit of a cliche, but I think it's true.

nicefleece · 06/12/2009 22:50

OMG - we're all living parallel lives!
What are we going to do?

BitOfFun · 06/12/2009 22:51

Men who do more housework get more sex

yousaidit · 06/12/2009 22:51

all arrange to meet in waterstones after dc's bedtimes, get a coffee and agood book and sit and, as depeche mode says, enjoy the silence!

OP posts:
diddle · 06/12/2009 22:57

yousaidit - hate the word grope, yuk, but totally know what you mean. i'd rather have a quick hug than a grope in the kitchen!!!

nicefleece - if only there was a solution.

Hubbie comments that its always when i want to have sex that we do it, not when he does. well he would do it every day and i would happily never do it again.
So me doing it at all is me compromising, but he doesn't see that.
grrrrr i am fed up of argueing over sex.

yousaidit · 06/12/2009 22:58

bitoffun, i can see the logic of that!

OP posts:
nicefleece · 06/12/2009 23:03

Has anyone else started to suggest a bit of lurve when they know dh is knackered, just so they're not the only ones who are always to knacked?

BitOfFun · 06/12/2009 23:10

I think it was LeQueen who said recently that no woman ever stabbed her husband while he was washing the pots

Seriously- whining and nagging is not sexy, and won't get a fella more action. Whereas sharing the load a bit more makes both partners feel more loving, and in the mood.

I would hesitate to recommend that you wait til he is tired though, nicefleece- my DP would get his second wind very quickly

yousaidit · 06/12/2009 23:16

yep, think dh would pounce on any opportunity, irrelevant how tired he was!! don't think he would see being woken or asked for sex as a problem howecver tired he was!!

OP posts:
SolidGoldpiginablanket · 06/12/2009 23:55

FFS! Point out to these lazy arse selfish dumbfucks that expecting you to do all the housework and childcare and then suck their dicks is not remotely erotic, that their behaviour has turned sex, for you, into yet another chore that they expect you to perform. You are not domestic appliances with extra play features, you are people and if they recognise that, and do their FAIR SHARE of domestic work (it's not 'helping' it's doing their fair share) then you will feel a lot more affectionate towards them.

Anniegetyourgun · 07/12/2009 19:59

One of XH's less endearing habits was to indicate his interest by saying in a sneering tone "I suppose YOU aren't in the mood again?" He also once jumped me when I had the 'flu and was too weak even to object.

Note the X.

MistressIggi · 07/12/2009 20:07

When you are feeling so overwhelmed OP, sex just becomes one more chore. I think your desire comes back only when you get some space to be yourself again.

yousaidit · 07/12/2009 21:20

MistressIggi, i absolutely agree...

OP posts:
ginnybag · 08/12/2009 15:50

Yep...

I'm thirty-six weeks pregnant and, whilst mine is reasonably understanding about the fact that I am seriously not interested at the mo, he's commented several times that he can't wait for the six weeks after I have the baby to pass cause he doesn't know how he's going to cope that long.

Completely fails to understand why this gets him death-glares....

T'was moderately funny the first time, not the second and now it just makes me see red.

Oh, and I didn't need the MW telling him that you can try self-inducing by having sex every six hours! He's now commenting on that every bloody day as well!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page