Not sure what to do....

[TinselinaBumsquash]

My dp is suffering really bad depression, he wont acknowledge it at all.
We have been together for 7 years and had children young, i will be the first to say to young and he regrets it.
He had a real messed up childhood and now has no family in contact, this has left him with so much bitterness and anger towards everything and the simplest of things our of routine drive him nuts.

Our eldest son has Cystic Fibrosis, he was diagnosed 2 and a half years ago, dp has never really come to terms with it.

I am 22 now and i am starting to discover the world a bit, i want to go back to collage and get some qualifications to get a good job eventually.
I am currently a sahm.

DP works at the moment and i am very greatfull that he does a job he is 100% happy in to support us.

I like to go out and do my hobbies, he doesn't have any, i don't want to wake up and find im 40 and have done nothing with my life.

The worst thing is the way he speaks to our children, he is so aggressive ad his tone of voice is so full of anger all the time.

He had counselling for 6 weeks on the nhs ans was deemed ok afterwards he took antidepressants for a few weeks.

He has said in the past if he had somewhere to go he would but he hasn't, neither of us could afford another place and were both on the tenancy here so wouldn't get and social housing.

We argue a fair bit and it can become really verbally nasty, throwing horrible hurtful insults at each other.

He is not the person i first met.

Im at a loss to know where to turn, how many times can i say to him that things have to change or its over? How many years more do i support him when he wont get help?

Im just sounding off really, it going round and round in my head, i have suggested a trial separation to see how we feel after a month but he hates being on his own and again he's got nowhere to go.

I have thought for a long time that i shouldn't have got him into this lifestyle before he had a chance to be a teen and an adult first but its a bit late for that, i feel guilty that he never finished collage because of us and that he has lost all his friends now he is a dad ect.

Nothing will change until after Christmas, i love him but i can't continue like this.

First and most important is that I am very sorry to read of yet another person facing the problem of their husband or wife with depression.

It a bit stating the obvious but your husband must first accept that he needs help. One tactic I have seen used is to drop all mentions of the word depression (stigma of mental illness) and replace it with stress (far less stigma in quite a lot of minds)

I have always been a fan of beta blockers as a first treatment. Mainly because they work straight away and that is very motivational to all concerned. Your GP will sort it for him.

Tinselina..I don't have much advice re: depression.

Your last statement about feeling guilty that you 'shouldn't have got him into this lifestyle' is very telling.

You BOTH got into 'this lifestyle'. You BOTH made the choice to have the children. Do NOT feel that you are the one that trapped him young, kept him from getting on with his career etc..

He can still do all these things and so can you. It will be hard but you sound like you've got the determination and you are young enough that you have your whole life ahead of you.

As someone who had a child later in life and had my career first, I can see the benefits of both lifestyles.

40 can be just the beginning! But if you can focus on what you want now, you will have all the things you've ever dreamed of by the time you're 40 and more.

Thanks for your replies.

It has all come to a head today, he sad i acted so different away from the house and why was that?

It just poured it all out that i felt i could be a different person away from the house, i don't know why that is but im so much more relaxed and happy where as at home im on edge and uptight.

I cannot be the person dp wants me to be, he needs someone attentive and affectionate which i really am not, he says he will disregard all that to stay together and i said he was kidding himself if he thinks he would be happy in a few yrs time if we stayed together.
He got angry and said i was making excuses to leave him and i would ruin his life and he could not be happy without me, i said i didnt want to be totally responsible for his happiness and he should be able to make himself happy, he has gone to my mums i dont know when he will be back.

He says he will change and be the best father he can but he has said that 100 times before and i don't know when to call it quits.

I am confused all i want is the best for my boys and i think sometimes being by myself with them t explore who i am is what i need but im going to crush dp in the process!

It sounds like you two are in a real tangle. Have you considered relationship counselling?

If you love each other and want to stay together, but are just finding life and the relationship tough at the moment, it could help you to find a a way to be together but not tearing each other apart as you are at the moment.

Even if you do decide to split up, it would help you to do it with the acrimony and recriminations, uncertainty and guilt that is going to be part of any attempt on your part to end this relationship now.

if i was you i would go with him to the doctors talk as a couple,help him find a life out side or the house?