Overbearing grandparents!

[iamanewmum31]

My husband and I had our first DD in October. We have had little family time since she was born. My parents live around the corner and expect to see her every day. They have made uninvited comments and have given unwanted advice about various things. I have lost my temper with them a couple of times. Also when they are round or when I go and visit they are all over my DD and act like her parents. my father has even pushed me away from the pram! My Mother holds her for too long to annoy me as I have told her how I feel. If I don't go round, text or phone everyday my Mum will keep texting me. My parents were good when I was growing up but now they have seem to have lost the plot. The same thing happened with my Mother in law but she has since backed off and doesn't live around the corner! My parents are from the hippy era and refuse to grow old gracefully thus finding it difficult to deal with old age. How can I resolve this without hurting feelings? I would be grateful for any advice. I am in my early thirties!

Is this their first grand child? I am a Gm and believe me, soemthing happens to us older women when we become g/parents and it sort of brings it all back and we want to re-live it all again and that can mean we get overbearing. I think if you give it time, things will calm down. Your baby is very new and they will adjust and hopefully be less excited and take things in a more natural way. What was your r/ship like before the baby?

You say they are finding it difficult to deal with "old age" - how old are they incidentally?

October isn´t that long ago!

I think you either need to try to stop them coming every day, or if not just for an hour or two?

I did find it hard to let others push the pram!

Kind of thinking they´d had their turn and it was mine now!

But I only saw my parents once a week so it wasn´t too bad having it prised from my grip for that time!

I was bfeeding so I had that all to myself!

start booking things to do each day so you can reply to texts'sorry busy doing xxx this p m but we'd love to have you over for sunday lunch'

It does sound intrusive, but would you prefer that they weren´t interested?

I'd stop seeing them so frequently. Chat to your husband and discuss how often you want to see all the relatives. I wouldn't have a fixed rota, but maybe would decide to just see your parents 3 times a week and don't go round as often, tell your parents you have other stuff to do if they ask to come round.
If they complain you could maybe say that you feel you need more time to learn to parent your own way and although they mean well you feel you'd like a bit more space.

In the short term they may get huffy, but long term it' better than you resenting them and saying nothing just internally simmering.

It's an easy problem to fix. It's good for them to take up their other hobbies that I presume they've dropped sinse you had the baby as well.

Turn your phone off? Or at the very least, don't respond to the texts and calls. You have caller ID, presumably. Use it.

Back off from them. You don't need to tell them what you're doing all the time. Id they ask why you didn't pick up, just say you were tied up with something.

I found moving to USA did the trick - 4000 miles from the UK. Extreme measure perhaps (actually we moved for work) !! but no more overbearing grandparents to interfere.

Thanks. My Dad is 64 and Mum will be reaching 60 next year. They have an active social lfe and have partied more than me. They go to the pub or parties 3-5 times a week. They are nice people who I have always been close too. I have spent too much time with them. I have always worked near to them so have been round their house a lot. I have over the years made a rod for my own back by not keeping more of a distance. I have taken heed of the advice offered and will be more assertive. I called my mum today and invited her to walk to the shops with myself and DD. She came with me, stopped by at mine for tea. When I started doing house work she took the hint and left. I need to realise that I am the Mother now and boundries need to be set for the sake of everyone, or they won't know where they stand. I did not realise that this would be such a change for them having new family roles. This is their first grandchild and it has only been two months so I suppose once I have set the boundries things will calm down. My hormones havn't helped much! I would like to move but my DH and I both live near to our places of work. Thank

Thank you all for your advice. I do not always check my phone or answer text messages, they know that. I will need to continue to set boundries and be assertive in a grown up way avoiding hurting peoples feelings. Does anyone else still have problems?

Or you could put them to work? You don't want them under your feet, but if they are such willing GPs, get them to babysit so that you can go out shopping/to the hairdresser/with your DH in the evening etc?

You don't want them proxy parenting (so this is where you need to establish boundaries), you want them grandparenting (babysitting on tap!).

Lol! I will need to set the boundries first as they have started 'proxy parenting'. I am breast feeding so it will be a while before I leave her. Hopefully over time boundries will be establshed. Thanks for your advice.