friday, kids r out, me and DH and...I'm bored stiff! Is this it?

[mumnosbest]

I've just dropped DC off at mums and got back for a night in with DH and started thinking about life when the DC leave home (ages away, they're only 2 and 4). I know we're only together because of the kids. We get on ok most of the time but there's no love. If we didn't have kids I'd move on and start enjoying life but the DC wouldn't see much of their dad and I don't think I can do that to them.

I guess I'm asking, do I put up and make do but then what's left for me when they grow up? OR do I deprive them of their dad and start enjoying life? Sounds selfish I know

Is counselling, alone or together, an option? Surely the best outcome would be if you two could enjoy each other.

Staying together only for the sake of the children does not benefit them. They will know from an early age that things are not right. I don't believe in giving children 16 or 18 years of lessons on how to stay in a bad relationship.

If there is a chance you and DH can change things though, then you must make the effort to make your life the way you want it to be.

No chance DH would go for councelling and it would probably only raise all our differences and lack of anything in common.
We do argue sometimes but generally we just get along. We just don't have fun or enjoy being together anymore. I don't think we're damaging the kids by being together but feel we're both missing out and bored.

wouldn't you be better off looking for a solution that means you wouldn't deprive the children of their Father?

50/50 custody, seperate homes.

No point wasting the next 14 years, kids cope, if you are genuinely unhappy then why not try and sort an amicable split?

If that was possible we would have split by now and amicably but he's from overseas and would move back home, so even with the best intentions we couldn't afford more than 3-4 visits a year at a push and at 2 and 4 I know they'd not really have much of a relationship with their dad.

Sounds like a tricky situation, but you do really need to think about your own well being and sanity.

Children cope with far worse than a father living over seas and thrive, I'm sure they would be happier with a Happy Mum, rather than an unhappy Mum and Dad.

There is no reason why you wouldn't meet someone else in time who would provide the "father figure" that you feel they would need.

If he knew you were considering divorce, maybe he would consider counselling?

It might be worthwhile for you to seek some therapy to help think this through, even if he isn't up for going. Relationship counsellors will see one person, if you want, or a regular therapist could help you, instead.

Have you tried a night out to the cinema, bowling, typical nights out to see if you can still 'have a laugh' together?

Thanks, maybe I should see someone on my own. I think he'd probably feel relieved if I decided to leave him but he'd miss the kids and them him. It's not that I feel they need a father figure (although ideally that would be good) I just know they love him. I know I would cope financially, job fits great with school hours and loads of family support so childcare isn't a worry but they'll miss him so mucha nd I don't want them to have to 'cope'.