How do I get Mum to back off a bit without being hurtful?

[nickytwotimes]

I have been really ill lately and my Mum (widowed) and dh's parents have been caring for ds(3). I am much better now and this week have started caring for ds myself 3 days a week. It has been nice to be with him and to get our old relationship back.

Anyway, I am of course really grateful for all their help and dh's parents have been really understanding in backing off a bit this week to let us get back to our routine. My Mum however doesn't seem to get it. I phoned her tonight to say that ds and I would manage fine ourselves and would see her next week if she was okay with that. 'Oh', she says 'I might just pop down for an hour to see you'. It's NEVER an hour though. It'll be all afternoon. And she knows I will be in as I am still a bit poorly. It really put me on the spot tbh. I said to phone me first in case we went for a walk (unlikely!) but I am dreading it. The awkward silences, etc.

I am VERY grateful to have her help, but I just want a wee bit of peace. ds has been passed around from person to person for 2 months now and I want to spend some time with him.

How do I approach it without hurting her or losing her help, which I still need.

hello nicky I'm glad you're feeling better and able to reconnect with your ds.
I know how you feel as when my ds was 4months I had meningitis and couldn't even support my baby's weight at all for about a month. My mum came to live with us and even had him in her bedroom, he had to go cold turkey wrt breastfeeding, so she sorted all that out. Also had a dd age 2.I well remember sitting there one night and her doing it all and me itching to just jump back in and say thanks mum can I have my son back now please!
But knowing that she would be hurt.

All I can say is she will eventually realise as mine did.
I think that when she sees you are stronger and she is doing all the work then it will dawn on her.

Keep getting stronger and good luck

Glad to hear you are on the mend.
I would treat this one with extreme caution as she has done you a massive favour and you still need her and I am sure she has felt so wonderful being needed and relied upon like this.
Can you go to her as you can leave when you want? Or can you talk to her in and assumptive manner like say stuff,
I am getting much better now, really loving it just being me, DS and DH, its been so nice to have everyone around to help, and you have been the most amazing mum,you know what I am like, just need my space a bit now.
Use lots of you knows, you understand, type of language.
She is obviously lonely, do you not get on with her?

Thanks for the replies.

Mum and I are very close, but she has been very lonely and at times a bit too dependent on us since Dad died 4 years ago. She doesn't really take hints very well. Doesn't really get boundaries adn never has! When things are normal, it is fine, but as soon as anyone is ill or whatever, she takes over and it is hard to get her to relinquish things again.

I do love her dearly, but she is driving me mental.