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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ex H being very threatening.

8 replies

tryingtomoveon · 02/12/2009 11:45

I separated from by exh officially about a year ago. We still carried on living together as he claimed it was impossible for him to move out couldn't afford it etc.

While we were together he was unfaithful to me many, many times, was verbally and emotionally and sometimes physically abusive and basically spent 7 years of marriage making me feel as unwanted and unloved as possible. He also has a drink problem.

I asked him to move out many times and he wouldn't, I actually ended up having a nervous breakdown. I am still not entirely over this but am copiing better.

He still refuses to move out. I have now met someone else, we are only really seeing each other as friends. Exh knows about this and has escalated his verbal abuse and made veiled references to "ending" me. He denies that this means he is threatening me with violence. He has always done this made threats, insults, abusive comments and then denied them. He constantly makes comments about my parenting, we ran out of milk a few mornings ago and he said this was because I am not looking after my kids properly now that I am going out more and having a social life. He calls me disgusting names and says that nothing he did while we were married mean't anything. He says we are breaking up because of me being unfaithful, it is as though his behaviours mean nothing and he is completely entitled to have behaved like that. It makes me feel like I am going mad.

I am at my wits end. I don't feel I will ever be free of this man. He just will NOT move out and I don't know where to go from here.

OP posts:
JollyPirate · 02/12/2009 11:49

Is the home in his name too? If not I'd be tempted to call the police, get him removed and get an injunction. The threats to "end you" are known to be "high risk" threats and need to be taken seriously.

dejavuaswell · 02/12/2009 11:50

Sorry but I'm not quite clear about the legal situation. Are you still legally married? If not then who pays the bills, who owns the house etc.

Have you considered legal action?

Sorry if I am sounding curt or terse but the devil is in the detail in cases like this.

JollyPirate · 02/12/2009 11:52

Women's Aid do a free 24hr helpline number they are here. Please, please ring them and get some support for yourself.

tryingtomoveon · 02/12/2009 11:52

It is a Housing Association flat in both of our names.

OP posts:
PerArduaAdSolInvictus · 02/12/2009 11:54

Second teh recommendation for Womens Aid. He's being abusive, you ought to be able to get the HA to take his name off the tenancy, especially as he's not paying for anything. Have you called the HA yet? Call Womens Aid, and call the HA. Good luck.

JollyPirate · 02/12/2009 13:42

Bump

SolidGoldpiginablanket · 02/12/2009 13:59

You can get him removed by the poloce and his name taken off the tenancy because of his abusive behaviour. They (poloce, HA, Women's AId) will believe you. Abusive men are not nearly as good at hiding their unpleasant personalities as they claim to be ('No one will believe you, I will say you're lying because you're mad' etc - this is textbook stuff that DV workers recognise).

cestlavielife · 02/12/2009 14:51

call womens aid.
speak to your local police domestic violence unit.

keep records of all he says/threatens you with.

communciate with him by email so you have records.

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