estranged H under same roof - birthday approaching - aaarrrrgh!!!

[peanutbrittle]

what do i do? card - ok I can manage that. Present - hmmm

wwyd?

we have been "separate" under same roof for almost 3 months, things amicable as long as we don't try to discuss anything serious - I have history of going to lots of trouble for his bday/xmas gifts and he has history of not really being too bothered about mine (clothes that don't fit, crappy gloves from airport tierack for my 40th etc etc) . So my natural inclination is to get him something he'll like as that's what I've always done BUT i sort of want not to bother...but am feeling very strange about that...

something small and impersonal like a bottle of wine?

there's all kinds of small xmas tat in the shops that would make a trivial birhdya present.

or don't bother at all.

I don't knownthe background to your break-up so this may be off the mark but I would just get him a card. Anything else looks like you want to get back with him, I think.

bottle of wine would be funny - one of the reasons we breaking up is his drinking still, he'd like it!

Do you have children together? Maybe do the 'nice' present from the DCs, and from you just a card and something pleasant but impersonal like a novel, cd or chocolates?

Present? Present? What is this "present"? Estranged = not partners = no reason to get presents. Waste money you could be saving up for getting your own place with, indeed. bristle

I'm in a similar situation atm only it's my birthday coming up!

I suppose I am assuming perhaps a card, but not a present!

H will still buy a present for DS to give me though.

For Xmas I was thinking of just spending a little more on the present that DS gives to H.

Hah - we were in this situation last May. We don't have any joint finances, he doesn't give me any money at all (luckily I work too, although I earn less than half his income) but I do have a credit card that he pays the bill for. The DC chose cards and presents for him and somehow they ended up on his credit card bill

He did make a point of saying that, under the circumstances, he didn't get me anything for our anniversary (in June) - umm, what would be the point?

Don't waste your money - but spend his if you want to

hmm, yes, maybe will buy something nice for DCs to give him and I'll just do a card - still joint account so he'll be paying for half himself anyway

anniegetyourgun - loved your bristling response - you are so right!

keeping joint accounts while we pay off credit card bill as otherwise would have been left in my name, hopefully come feb we will be free of that

god, estrangement is tedious!