DP and i have been together 8 years. We have 16mo beautiful DS and he has 9yo DD to a previous relationship.
Things were always stormy from the start. I met him a week after his split from DD's mother (together 3.5 years). I nursed him thru the breakup whilst i quietly fell in love with him. It took him 3.5 years to tell me he loved me - i told him at 6 months and he laughed
We have a terrible lot of arguments. I feel that me and DS come second fiddle to his job. He works 40 hours a week but puts in 10-12 hours travelling, so it feels a lot longer to us. When he is at home, he receives numerous phonecalls from work (e.g. 16 calls last thurs), meaning it feels like we never really have him to ourselves. It gets really lonely, particularly when he is so tired all the time from the physical element of his work (he is a retail store manager) - which i try to be understanding about.
There has been no sex for months - something that it bothering me more than him it seems. I know he is not cheating on me - he is not the type and simply wouldn't have the time/energy. When i approach him about it, he says its hard to feel in the mood when we argue so much (understandable i suppose).
But i've tried numerous things - dressing up (sexy, not tarty), making an effort with makeup and not lounging about in PJs, candle lit dinners, suggesting massage, even erotic movies etc etc. He doesn't seem to respond.
Our arguments have moved on to being quite verbally agressive. I'm as much at fault here as him - in fact, if i'm honest, i can be worse. I have so much anger, hurt and frustration at where our relationship has gone, that i spit venom when we get into the heat of an argument and i don't seem to be able to stop until i reach boiling point .
I would say we have at least 3/4 'major' arugments a week at the minute. Last night he left an Xbox controller on the ground and DS picked it up, putting the end of the lead into his mouth and started to choke. As I run over to DS to help him, I shouted to DP to 'come quick, he is choking', to which DP just called back 'wait'. Turns out he was making a call to work to check in. I would like to point out that DP was only home 20mins and had left a perfectly competent supervisor in charge.
I just lost it after that. He says he didn't hear me say that DS was choking. But this was because he was too busy on the phone to work. I ended up calling him useless, saying i couldn't depend on him, feel like a single parent, things would be easier without him around because at least then DS wouldnt' be choking on his xbox controller left on the floor.
I don't know if i was being too harsh reacting to that particular incident, or if the last couple of years of arguments/strain/stres and depression on my part have totally left me with no fuse left (so to speak). I'm seriously considering leaving. communication is completely broken down and is mostly strained. I feel so lonely and like i get nothing from this relationship.
Sorry if this message seems really rushed and hard to understand. I'm typing frantically at work before someone sees what i'm doing