Hi, looking for some guidance and maybe understanding too.
A very long story....April 09 I discovered my DH had been using IE (sex for married's site) and hence had not been 'working away' as he would frequently phone me to tell me he had to do. Whilst he was doing this I was (and am) working full time and looking after our DD aged 10.
This had been going on since July (I beleive) 08. My Dad was disagnosed with cancer in May 08 and died Sept 08. That whole period is a blur and how DH was able to do what he was doing during the time I most needed support I don't know, and he can't give me the answers. He simply says he is ashamed and he can't explain his shameful actions.
The shock of finding all this out was terrible. I checked his phone (something I never do) after he got back at 5am one morning - ironically this was an innocent drunken night out with mates but there were messages from his latest squeeze (kittykat1973) asking how his night was etc. I put two and two together and he confessed everything.
I felt I couldn't 'kick him out' as he has money problems (which are worsening) and has nowhere to go. also I was protecting my Mum (still grieving over Dad) and our 10 year old DD.
We have been having counselling, he wanted this to help us work through it. I agreeed so he'd understand why we couldn't remain together. After weeks and weeks of the ame pattern at the counselling sessions - him crying, me getting annoyed, he finally accepts that it's over. But it's the same in every session, him begging and saying he loves me. I move between feeling trapped and angry and pity for him.
We have 'agreed' to put the house on the market and separate after Christmas. This is to protect DD who is not aware of what her Dad has done.
I am now feeling so scared for the future. I have just found out I will be made redundant in February. I am scared how DD will take the news as she idolises her Dad. I am scared about being an adult on my own and not as a couple - we got together when I was 18.
It would be so much better for everyone else if I could shove it to one side and pretend it didn't happen. DH has been off work with stress for months, DD will be devastated, my Mum is panicking about my future. But the thought of staying with someone, no matter how much he says he loves me now, who lied and deceived me at the lowest point of my life is scary too.
I don't know where to turn now, am upset alot recently, think Christmas coming up heightens the tension. I think I just need to sound off and ask if anyone has been through similar and how they got through it positively?
Thanks for listening........