Looks like it will be a messy divorce-pls help!

[iva555]

Hi,

have posted this on the legal thread so apologise for repeating it.I have been separated from my husband since January. Have just seen my solicitor to apply for divorce. My husband said he agrees to divorce and will sign the papers. But now he has received the letter and he doesn't like the allegations I have made against him and is refusing to sign. I have applied on basis of unreasonable behaviour( drug use, stealing money,not coming home for days and leaving me and my daughter who is 4). He said this will make him look like a bad dad(which he is) and I am trying to destroy him, which I am not. Now he wants me to go back to my solicitor and tell him that he cheated on me and that's why we are divorcing. I don't want to lie in court. I am meeting my solicitor tomorrow. Any advice on what I should do? And also can I get divorced if he doesn't agree to sign the papers? By the way he can't afford a lawyer!

Hi Guys,

thank you all for your advice!!! Spoke with my solicitor today. Basicaly because I am on legal aid, I can not have too many meetings with him or phone calls...sucks but hey!!!!He has advised me not to lie and to stick to what I said but just change a few things. Someone wrote on here that I can not get full residency but my solicitor has not told me anything like that.

He has not mentioned that he wants residence. He lives in a shared accomodation with two other people. He rents a room...no way in hell I will let him have any parental rights!!!

You are a bit confused Iva, having parental responsibility has little to do with residence.

You can have parental responsibility even if the child never stays at his home. It basically means that he has a right to have an opinion on how the child is raised and decisions that affect the child.

Have you filled the form "Arrangements for the Care of Children"? you need to submit that alongside your petition of divorce.

If you can't consult your solicitor often because you are receiving legal aid, get yourself a good book in divorce, the principles of it are so basic that most questions you can come up with in the early days are easily answered by any book. There are also some very good internet resources and forums.

Well I am solely looking after my daughter and at the moment he has no say in her upbringing. I have told my solicitor that I want full custody of my child and want to only give him visitation rights. I don't want him to have a say in what happens in her life. Since I am raising her on my own....

Sooooo stressed today. I have decided that I will not discuss anything with him anymore. He is waiting for me to tell him if I will change my grounds. I will let my solicitor do all the talking. I don't have to please him, right? If I will be so stressed through th ewhole process, would be a disaster

sorry but Chandra is right. He has parental responsibility, and as such he does have a right to have a say in what happens in her life, ie her education, medical treatment etc. There is a difference between that and having residence. (which some people still call custody)
There is no need for any orders in respect of contact or residence unless there is a dispute. If he does not dispute that she will live with you and he will have regular contact with her (as agreed) then there is no need for either of you to go to Court. It is only where there is a dispute regarding residence or contact (formerly custody and access) when a Court application becomes necessary. Far better to resolve matters amicably.

Hi

I understand now yes. He comes to see her and I don't think he wants residence. Either way I do not consult with him on any issues regarding my daughter.

Myself and my husband have started divorce procedings. Both of us are without a solicitor (can't afford it). We have exchanged Form Es. I have not seen divorce papers before and I would like to know, do they all need to be stamped by the Court seal? Most of the papers are not stamped and some are very smudged so I cannot read the court stamp. Is this right? Please help!

perardua, I didn't get chance to file myself as even though we'd agreed that I would, he rushed in and did it himself. That is utterly par for the course behaviour with H.

It was very soon (just a few weeks) after the split, and I hadn't decided on the best solicitor to use at that point even though H knew I was meeting people. I had a 2 week wait to get in with the lawyer I really wanted. Once the ball was rolling I was advised it would be very time consuming and costly to change it, and that the outcome was what really mattered. I have extensive evidence to support my point of view, should it ever be needed.

Stick to your guns, definitely because, as others have said, you're likely next going to have to tackle the issue of contact for your DD, and the grounds for divorce will factor into the decision made on this.

Aside from that, though, why should you make his life easier? If it's the truth, tell it! You owe him nothing but honesty.

dfm, there should be a single stamp on the Form E, I believe at the end, remember when you sworn it in fron of the solicitor or at court? the stamp is somewhere near your signature (or that or your ex).