Dating disasters and other delightful tales..

[Janos]

I've been reminiscing a lot today, and got to thinking about this. Things that were really cringy and awful at the time but make me laugh now and I bet we all have plenty stories like this.

One memory pops up of a man who I dated for a couple of weeks that spent large amounts of time moaning about his myriad health problems and announced "well, you're really fat but I'll think about sleeping with you because you're quite pretty".

Strangely enough, I declined his thoughtful offer. He was most put out.

I'm trying to think of some more but my mind's gone blank...

how could you possibly turn down a charming offer like that?

I worked in a bar once, after much persuading went out with one of the clientèle. At the restaurant he proceeded to list and describe every singe pair of shoes I had worn to work in the last 6 months. eeek

MrsBoogie

I was in a crap relationship, having a crap time at work and was supposed to be going to a New Year's eve party at a friend's house with crap boyfriend but he decided he wasn't going at the last minute. So I went on my own.

The host introduced me to some guy I'd been at university with but didn't really know. He was still a student (I wasn't keen on students even when I was at university) and wittered on about his MA he was doing at LSE or somewhere.

I couldn't even pretend to be interested - it was so dull and I had a responsible job, mortgage and a disposable income - just completely different worlds.

He then asked me out, making it sound as if he was doing me a favour: "You can give me your number and I might call you" . I politely declined (very restrained of me in the circumstances!) and said I have a boyfriend, I don't need another thank you. At which point he said "Well, I'll just leave my mobile here and you can put your number in it any way" before walking away leaving his phone on the counter.

Needless to say I didn't give him my number. I also dumped the crap boyfriend shortly afterwards and changed job about 2 months later. He is still a student I believe. And single all these years later!

Gotta love these men who would do us a favour by dating us! Ha!

My worst date involved unintentional self-harm through boredom.

Had split up with my first boyfriend of 10 years a few months previously so had got to the age of 25 without any dating experience so to speak. On an extremely drunken night out with friends was pursued by a very insistent man to take his number, and feeling footloose and fancy-free, I called him back that week (despite me being uncertain as to what he looked like...there's a lesson there too) and we arranged to go out.

Sitting opposite him in a bar, I spent 4 hours listening to the grimier details of his divorce (he had paid for his ex-wife's abortion when he'd thought the child was his but when he'd discovered it wasn't he'd claimed the cost back in the settlement - this was just one of his many bitter little gems - when it briefly wasn't the divorce it was listing his classic car collection - Jesus wept) with my elbows up on the wooden table, slowly drinking my drinks. Skip to the end...I ducked a goodnight kiss and finally got to jump in a cab and get home.

Next day in the shower I realised I could no longer straighten my arms. Ow, that's strange I thought. Friend came round for a date autopsy and inquired why my elbows were bleeding...I had spent the entire evening drilling them into the table. Great reintroduction to the world of dating!