Having kids has bought me closer to my parents and it's lovely but......

[poshsinglemum]

It's also hard bloody work as my parents are toxic.

I'm not the best daughter either to be fair but it's exhausting me.

I want to have a great relationship with the grandparents and vice versa. They dote on her.

The problem is about babysitting really.

I know that it's not their job to baby sit and they have done it about six or seven times this year which I really apprechiate and they are going to baby sit tonight as I am going to the cinema.

The problem is that my mum completely changes the goal posts when it comes to baby sitting. Constantly. First she says she'll do it whenever I need then she says she won't do it on Saturday nights as she and dad want to go out (completely fair enough). Then dad says he won't babysit past ten o'clock at night because of work (again fair enbough) but this will change again.

I just feel like a naughty teenager again for even wanting a social life.
My mum has made me feel guilty for going out tonight as it's Saturday night but my mate can't make any other night. I get quite arsy anbd nasty about it and then I feel guilty as I feel like I am using her.
There is always so much emotional wrangling and blackmail associated with this aspect of our relationship.

I would dearly love to be able to afford a professional baby sitter but at the moment I can't afford it and i hardly ever go out at all. I do need a break.

I guess I am torn as I don't want to be the type of mum who feels entitlement that her parents baby sit but at the same time I am dissappointed that they seem to do so grudgingly. I thought They'd enjoy spending the occassional night with dd and helping me.

I have dd all week and will do until I get a job.

I do go and visit mujm during the week but we often argue an dit's not good for dd to see.

Before dd I kept a healthy distance but now I rely on them too much. No partner or inlaws to help makle it hard. I have honestly been out about seven or eight times this year an dsome mums go out every week.

Anyone else experience this conflict?

I know I'm being selfish and I want to find a baby sitting circle. A bit of a moan I guess.

Mabe it's a bit rich that i'd expect them to ''enjoy'' baby sitting as it is hard bloody work. I think we use it as a stick to beat each other with.

I find it really hard to think that your friend couldn´t do any other night than Saturday.

Also,you call your parents toxic but are happy to use them as babysitters!

No wonder they do it grudgingly!

7-8 times this year ah well Im out for the first time tonight ......

I haven't been out in 4 years!

they are not that toxic reg baby sitting. it's other stuff.

i just wish they wouldn't offer then change their minds at the last minute. makes it hard to know where i stand. i'd rather they didn't bother at all than change goalposts

if i had a partner i'd be quite happy to snuggle up on the couch and never go out but as a single lady i want to get out there.

i'm going to find a professional and then there's no need for this rubbish.

sorry-one handed typo.

i'm know i'm being a bit of an arse btw!

disenchanted! i thought i had it bad. do you get me time at all?

I love spending time with dd but I need abit of baby free time.

My mum friend goes out once a week . Her son is the same age as my dd.

I think that I'm still grieving my old social life and I find it's loss quite hard to come to terms with.

I agree it's not my parent's perogative.

Mabe it's best to save up for a sitter and go out very occassionally. That way it's more special.

Me time what´s that?

Is that when I was in hospital having baby 2 & was therefore away from child 1?

If it´s causing problems I would agree get a sitter and go out less.

Some things have to be compromised on when you have children!

I think were going to set up a baby sitting circle among our nct group.
DD has had a late nap today so she'll be a little pickle tonight.

Ummm I'm a single working mum 2 and I have 2 children, but of course I'm ooooollllllddddddddddddd!!
TBh you sound a bit "put upon"!!
FWIW when my mum comes to visit/stay, she doesnt even bother to offer to babysit, and if I dare to ask she pulls a face!

If they make that much fuss I'd join babysitting circle if there is one or pay. You can't moan about them if they're doing it for free. If they always change the goal posts and you keep using them you can hardly complain when they behave in the same way each time.
An unreliable babysitter is an unreliable babysitter, the fact that they are family is irrelevent.
You accept the fact that they are less than ideal but free or use someone else.
My parents and inlaws lived hours away though so have always paid for sitters and am amazed at the fuss some folk make when relatives won't do free babysitting with enthusiasm.

I do think that if they don´t want to babysit they should just say it.

But tbh is sounds as if this is what they are trying to convey, without actually saying it, iyswim.