Please read and tell me, if you were me, what you woulddo on christmas day....

[AboardtheAxiom]

As I feel I need decide as people keep asking and I can't keep breezily saying "oh I will see nearer the time" for much longer.

Have recently left emotionally abusive ex and have DS who is 5. He is staying at daddy's house now on wednesday and saturday nights.

My mum is, well I have mum issues. I feel she let me down as a child (my dad abused me and I know she suspected it and just carried on living in cloud cuckoo land even though she had 3 young daughters to think of), she is very self involved, depressive and I find her tiring and draining company but DS loves her. She is not an intentionally nasty person, I just try not to rely on her I guess. I didn't tell her about my plans to leave until I had done it, and two hours later she was asking me if I wanted to come to hers on xmas day, this is not her thinking of me, she is thinking of herself.

Here are my christmas day options:
Option 1 - go to my mum's for day. Would rather not drag DS away from all his xmas toys to spend the day with my mum making my teeth itch.

Option 2 - Invite her here. I don't have a dining table (or even an oven at mintue but should have by xmas). She will then expect this every single year from here on in.

Option 3 - Invite twunt ex here for day (am hoping his parents invite him there for his xmas dinner so I don't get a guilt trip).

Option 4 - Spend day alone with DS. (Looking most tempting but feel a bit sad about it for some reason).
Ex has two older sons who usually some to his about tea time on xmas day and sleep over, going home next day (boxing day) so thought could say DS will do the same.

I want to do what is nicest for DS and I, and get it decided before my mum or my ex try to manipulate / emotionally blackmail me into what they want.

Help!

Option 4. Definitely. Don't feel guilty about your ex, you owe hime absolutely nothing.

Option 4 definitely

With maybe 2 hours of option 1?

2 or 4 - and if you do 2 say 'well, just for this year, as a change, why don't you come to my house'...i.e put down a marker from the off that it is not the start of an ongoing tradition.

my vote is with Heated if possible

If I were you I would plan to spend a lovely happy chilled out special day with my little boy free from any and all malign influences.
You have escaped the clutches of your twunty ex and don't need your mum for anything.

There's nothing sad about it - you can get some fab dvds in, plan your Christmas dinner for two and lounge around in your jammies all day - sounds idylic, no?

You have all you need with the two of you together - make the most of it!

Option 4 but perhaps invite your Mum to come for an hour or 2 before ds goes to ex?

Option 4.

Well neither my mum or I drive and live a 45 minute walk from each other (and that's our fast walker's time!) if I were making the journey I would be pushing DS's major (a special needs buggy) - he is heavy - the size and weight of a seven yr old so a bit of a faff for a couple of hours visiting.

You are all very supportive of the way I am feeling, I was expecting a roasting and cries of 'but it's christmas!

yeah it's Christmas - so you should do what make you happy and bugger the rest!

def option 4 then

option 4 - get some Christmassy pjs, and do the day just the way you want to for a change

Ooh thanks everyone, I feel more confident in wantig to do option 4 now.

I honestly could not have my mum here one year and not the next, honestly she takes the . I need tostand firm this year as my happiness at every future christmas depends on mehandling this one right in terms of my mum and ex. They are both very good at guilting me into doing what they want leaving me feeling miserable and taken for a mug.

I'd go for 4.

My space bar seems to be toying with the idea of going on strike.

I agree with those who say option 4.

I'd go for option 4 and invite some friends round in the evening - do it the way that makes you happy

4 and then a few hours of 2. If you can stand it. If not then 4 all the way. Im sure that DS would prefer to remember xmas as a happy affair with his mum rather a distraught day filled with tension.

And well done for leaving XH - 1 word - twatbag!!

Good luck, hope it works.

Option 4. Have a wonderful day together. You are starting a new period in your lives together and it is a precious time. Make some new traditions.

Could you invite Mum over the next day or go to visit her then instead of Christmas? Might be easier to have her over. Or have exH or Mum visit either Christmas eve or Boxing day (one on either day)? Quite close to Christmas but not.

Option 4... or friends?

at we3kingbeat, are you familiar with my ex's work? It took me along whileforit to dawn on me I needed to leave and now I have I know I did the right thing.

Yes I have scope to have people over / visit people xmas eve and boxing day.

Will tell ex DS will be going round about T time xmas day and sleeping over and be brought home some time boxing day.

I want to set the plans this year not be pushed around / guilt tripped like I usually am.

Option 4 OR pop to your mums for couple of hours (that way you can leave when she starts to grate)but I since read your second post, so option 4. Have a lovely day with you little man, spend all day in your pj'S watching great TV/DVD's and just enjoy each other xx I )really feel for you as I split with physically abusive ex 10 years ago (no kids) and have a mum I can tolerate in small doses (although since birth of DD she has mellowed, she knows she screwed up with me and is trying to make it up with little one). Thinking of you, just think you can now start to live life !

thanks

Me and DS are very close and very much enjoy each other's company so I'm sure we will have a lovely day.

NickeeS - my mum is great with DS too, but again, only in small doses!

It is very liberating to actually choose what I want to do and who I want to spend my time with, and will feel a lot more confident telling certain people of my plans now I know I have the MN seal of approval.

it is one of the nice things about being a single parent is that you can do things YOUR way