i am so unhappy but is it fair on my children?

[deliasmith]

Seems like I have become another Cliche. Two kids 6 and 4, now both at school full time, I am looking for a job, very bored with the drudgery and hate not working. Husband works 6 days a week, puts no effort into our marriage, doesn't make arrangements to go out, and now expects me to initiate sex!!! He has been sleeping on the couch for no particulaar reason, doesn't ask me about my day, we were meant to be going to a family meal on Sunday but told me today he will be working. As far as I am concerned that is it I don't want to live like this anymore I cant bear him here. BUT what about my kids? Is it fair to split the family up? there is no abuse, no affairs I don't even think he would go if I asked him to. I just don't know what to do or where to turn. Sunday is going to be torture, all my family will be there asking where he is and I will have to put on a brave face and say he is working, like an idiot! He has always worked 6 days and I joke I am a single mum with none of the benefits Ha! some joke.

You need to sit down together and talk about this before making any decisions about leaving.

That would be unfair on the children.

But if you both decide, after serious discussion and effort, that it's not worth carrying on, then your kids will be better for it in the end.

Sounds like you need to try and talk to your dh to try and find out things from his perspective. It sounds like there is more going on with him ie work pressure, ill health that he hasn't told you.
Can you arrange a child free time with him?

I don't know if I want to do the whole talking thing, it turns into an argument and nothing ever changes, been married for 11 years so I can see the patterns!

But 11 years and 2 kids deserves at least an attempt at trying to find out what where the problems lie.

It might bring you closer, it might not. It will be painful but surely you should do that rather than throwing in the towel without exploring the reasons why?

I'm not sure men sleep on couches 'for no reason'. Combined with the initiate sex comment it sounds like he feels pretty unloved.

Why not consider counselling for yourself? Deal with YOUR issues - the boredom, the feelings that you are a 'drudge', the difficulties with getting back into work. Then you can find out what is bothering him?

Agree - you need to stop feeling like a drudge and find ways in which you feel like a happy contributor to your family life - that might be by cherishing your DH more, getting a paid job, or just going out and having more fun when your DCs are at school.