ever taken back your partner/ex after an affair?

[farrahplus3]

i posted on here quite a while back when i found out my dp had a one-night stand when i was expecting our son. we seperated almost a year ago and i have been single since then, until i met someone a month ago and now ex wants to come back and making promises to do all the things he didnt do before. i do still love him but dont know if thats just because he is the father of our children or because i have secretly hoped we could work things out. im so confused right now i dont know what to do for the best.
have any of you taken back an ex after a seperation and it worked out, or am i crazy even thinking about it?

What were all the things he didn't do before, apart from being faithful?

Were you really happy together ebfeore he fucked up?

Give yourself plenty of time to make a decision that's right for you. Don't let him rush you. Keep it all on your terms.

just things like spending more time with me and the kids, we never actually had any family days in the 5yrs we were together!!
we were happy before i found out,which wasnt by him, i found out by a text message from an unknown number!!
im wondering does he only want to come back as he knows i met someone else but he seems genuine.

I would echo the advice to TAKE YOUR TIME...it may be that he does just want to come back because he knows you are now with someone else, and that wouldn't augur well for your future together. Was kind of overtures was he making before you got together with other bloke? any interest? I wouldn't understate what was missing from your relationship before either (outside of him having minor fling - on that subject - are you sure it was just one?) I am just coming out (in slow baby steps) of a relationship where one of the (many) issues was lack of interest in spending time together as a family and I know how horrible that can be long term

put yourself first, take your time, let him prove himself if you are interested...

Mine had an affair while I was pg with number 4. Lied about it for two years. Worst years of our married life.

I took him back and am really glad. The indiscretion was tiny as compared to all the rest of our history (and children) together.

If you love him and he's the dad of your kids, have him back.

Not giving you and the kids enough time is utterly crap. Sounds v selfish. Did you feel like you/kids weren't his priority?
How old is he?

How are things with the new man?

I don't think you're crazy to consider it, but you are right to proceed with caution.

we didnt really hear from him very often after the split he occasionally came to see the kids,when he did he acted as if we were still "together" which to me felt awkward.
no im not 100% it was just one as have had text saying he has another baby which he completly denies.
before our son was born he was a brilliant father to our daughter i cant say otherwise, only since his indiscretion when i was expecting his son did things go down hill and he didnt really have time for any of us.
there is an age gap as he is 41 and i am 32 but i didnt think this mattered.

So he was a "brilliant father" who only occasionally dropped in to see his kids after his knobbing around bit him on the arse? And he has probably knocked some other woman up? And he has shown no interest in you until somebody else did? And this "brilliant father" didn't spend any time with you as a family?

Sorry to be blunt, but Christ on a bike, do you need to ask?

if he wants a second chance and you think you can work together then i would say give it a go slowly.

My had an affair - destroyed our marriage.

Slowly we have rebuilt a relationship and it is great most of the time.

Things will never be the same but they can be good and in some ways even better.
If he is willing to bear all and make it up to you it can work.

However if he wants the same as before it wont - and you will now have your eyes opened which imho is healthy anyway.

good luck

The reason I asked about his age was, I thought if he had been really young, like early twenties maybe, he might have just had a bit of growing up to do, and done it.
The fact he is 41 though, makes me think if he was ever going to grow up he'd have done it by now. Not promising, sorry.

Also, his contact has only been intermittent since split. It doesn't soudn as though he's suddenly the committed family man you desire.

The more I know the less I like the sound of him. Sounds like he thinks he can click his fingers..

this is why im finding it hard as he now seems so adamant he wants to spend more time with us as a family, but i am very unsure he can do that, if he was going to i would have thought he would have done it by now.