Help me to cope with my in laws - PLEASE

[1000cals]

They are coming to stay and I'm dreading it. Nothing is ever good enough for MIL. She treats me like a slightly stupid teenager. She comments on everything - nothing is private. Even her 'positive' comments really grate on my nerves, "Oooh, somebody has been having a tidy up" type of thing. I've been scrubbing and tidying the house for the last two weeks, even though I'm just not that type of person. They will have our bedroom when they're here and dh and I will have to share with the kids. They could easily come to visit for the day, but insist on staying overnight - which is longer than I'd have even my best friend to stay. If MIL doesn't get exactly what she wants, then she turns the tears on to my DH when I'm not around.

The whole thing is driving me to distraction!!! But please if you can give me some words of encouragement to help me get through their stay - that would be lovely....

Go out as much as possible & leave your husband to deal with them?

How long are they staying?

Unfortunately, I can't.

My Mil is a nightmare of attention-seeking, tantrums, lies, and theatrical "farewell then!" "goodbye forever" that never last more than 2 days.

She lives 5 minutes away, which is a nightmare too, but a blessing in disguise as I never have her overnight.

She says the same things as yours, the indirect comments "ooooh she's been busy today", so I play naive and say "who?". I can't stand being addressed as "she". wtf?

Anyway, good luck. I have no words of wisdom, sorry, apart maybe get a good game of Mil Bingo going?

It's good to know that somebody else is in the same situation Tomatefarcie! I debate sometimes whether we should move closer to them so that we would no longer have the staying overnight thing. But I think there are drawbacks both ways.

At the end of the day I just hate having somebody in my house who feels she can comment on everything. I'm a really private person and usually meet friends out rather than at home. We have a tiny three bedroom flat and the whole thing is just too squashed for comfort.

I'm feeling so down about the whole thing. I never feel like this except about my in-laws. I just feel so powerless and like I have to like it or lump it.

Oh - with you on this - my mil is a real passive agressive person - there are NO boundaries with her and she does everything possible to undermine me.

She also likes to turn aroun dthe whole thing like she's doing me the favour by doing housework! I don't expect her to but she just TAKES OVER and it's awful - but then also she will then tell dh how many calls I made how long I was on the phone for ect (she doesn't speak English) it's so f'cking oppressive and she comes for MONTHS in our two bed flat - we then become a bedsit.

You say one thing and she really starts playing the victim and turning on the tears,.

But still I rather she come here than we go to her.

OMG - she'll come into my room when I'm in bed - and she looks through my stuff.

But tis Christmas and all.

TBH, I do think it is up to your husband to tell her that it really isn´t convenient for them to stay over.

And if she would cry at that -let her-she´ll just look stupid!

If your mil only lives 5 mins away why does she need to stay over?

FGS decide she just aint welcome unless it's on your own terms. Short visits (an hour?) and you whistle the entire time.

Why do these awful MILS hold such sway?

I suppose your H is another under-the-thumb-of-mummy boy? She is not your problem if she behaves like this frankly. She is her own, and your H's.

You shouldn't be dreading a visit and scrubbing for two weeks. jeez, I can't stand her already.

I suggest you get horrendously pissed in front of her, (pretend) and tell her what you really think of her (let it out) and then ring and apologise the next day saying it was the anti-nut tablets which made you do it.

She will spread lots of shit about you

but never visit again

Then you can have a party.

Do you have any 'fuck-off-mil' bunting? I do, and can post...

PMSL! I would love some of that bunting.

What is it with men and their mothers? When I have a problem with my MIL, DH never wants to upset her and I just have to suck it up, but if my parents do anything DH doesn't like (which is much rarer as they are much less interfering!), I always address it.

My MIL is not critical, in fact she is smothering. When she comes to stay she insists on following me round and coming everywhere with me, listening to me talk on the phone, and she talks constantly, it drives me mad as I am used to spending a lot of time on my own or just with the kids.

Aside from the sex issue, the way DH panders to his parents, and his mother also has to have everything her own way, is the major bone of contention in our marriage.

I think we all just have to show solidarity and get together on here to let off steam!

I'm with you jools - my mil needs 24/7 company - I need a bit of space tbh - she's from the countryside - I'm a city person, she has THE most MINISCULE life - fine - but she's restricts mine.

Perhaps we can gather en mass - round up all the mils and just tell them. I did diplomacy, then just taking it, I've even tried one row - nothing, but nothing will get her to anything from anyone elses point of view.

I wonder whether the best thing is to lay down the law right from the start - the longer you leave it harder it is.

But OP mil lives 5 mins away why on earth does she need to stay over? Is her place being decorated or something?

Why don't you spike her drink, then in the morning make a few comments about not being able to drink much as you get older etc,needing your home comforts etc. Fake a migraine and leave her to it with the kids.
Anything is worth a try. After 11 years of a MIL just like that I've finally said take the kids to see her for a day at Xmas or stay there yourself. At the end of the day it's either her or me that DH wants to live with. If they want sleep overs with Mummy go to hers instead!

Tomatefarcie's MIL is the one who lives 5 mins away, not the OP's.