Last visit to my dad in hospital

[OrmIrian]

Dad is in hospital. Has been for 2 weeks. On friday he is having a heart bypass and a valve replacement. And I am terrified. I know it's almost certain to be OK but he is 78 and I can't shake the idea that he won't come out of the op alive .

DC and I are due to see him this afternoon. DS#1 has a cold and a bad cough so I suspect he shouldn't visit dad atm. But what if it's the last time they see him? Should I take the risk? Also I don't know whether to pop back alone tomorrow night. Problem is I don't want to get emotional and upset - dad will be nervous anyway.

Help!

And I don't know whether to take a day off and be with my mum on Friday. She says not but she can't be at the hospital where he's having the op and I dread the thought of her getting bad news over the phone all alone.

Oh Orm, I'm sorry! Re DS1, is the hospital currently allowing children in to visit? I know some hospitals have banned them for reasons of infection control.

If I were you, I'd take the day off on Friday and spend it with my mum. She's probably saying no because she doesn't want to bother you, but would appreciate the company.

Sorry to hear that your father is ill.

Can anyone else go with you this afternoon so that you can just nip in for 10 minutes with your son if he is poorly and then they can wait outside with him? I've done this a few times when my MIL has been in hospital.

Plus if it was me, yes i would take the day off to be with my mum if she was on her own. If anything you can both keep each other occupied till your dad is out of surgery.

I hope everything goes well on Friday.

Thanks both of you.

yes you are 100% right about Friday. I will take the day off and just 'pop in' all casual like.

DS#1 can stay at home anyway. He's 12 and at home alone during the day while he is ill - I ring him regularly and he can call me if need be. So it won't stop me going or his siblings but DS won't see his grandpa. Hospital is allowing children to visit (if you ask first) but the hospital where dad is having the op doesn't at all atm. In fact won't let anyone visit for 24hrs after the op.

Mm, I wouldn't take the DC. Your dad must need this op or he wouldn't be booked for it, and it wouldn't be good if it had to be postponed because he'd caught a cold.

Re mum, I suggest you might take the day off and let her know you won't be at work that day, so she can have her wish to be independent but if she does need support you can dash round there at short notice.

I don't know how you can be positive and cheerful in the face of maybe losing your dad, but bear in mind it is more likely this is the start of a new lease of life for him. Rationally, you know they wouldn't risk operating if he wasn't a lot more likely to be helped than harmed. It's more about you being a worrying (and a nice caring!) sort of person than about actual risk. Be hopeful for him if you can. This is not about what you stand to lose but about what he stands to gain, yes?

Oh god, that sounds so... so Californian. Sorry. But I mean it from the heart. I had parents too, and they were the right sort of parents. Wish I had 'em now, but at least I know that merely by existing, I and my brother and sister made them happy, regardless of whether I said the right things to them at the right time.

Yes absolutely annie. He was so ill just before he was hospitalised that it is essential that he has the op. I know what you mean about the 'right sort' and so sorry you lost them. So are mine and the thought of being without makes me feel small and afraid even though I am 44.

Nobody's looking, are they?

• hug *

Awww don't do that annie, or I'll get all weepy Thanks though.

My Uncle had a similar op at 79 and he's fine and dandy now (81). But Annie's right best to leave your DS at home Good luck I am sure he will be okay xx

You must be really anxious, but aren't valve replacements fairly common? Am trying to be upbeat here.

(DP has an op on his knee on Friday, so hopefully will be good news all around...)

My father is 79 and has heart problems and I know just how worrying it can be when they go for ops.

Thinking of you.

Yes they are. And so are bypasses apparently these days (which surprises me). Honestly logic has nothing to do with it I must stop watching Holby City.

Good luck for your DH!

My Grandad had one at a similar age and he was so so much better after he had it.

People having a heart bypass often feel a lot better afterwards because suddenly their heart is working properly and their circulation is working properly.

I hope he does well and in a week or so is feeling fantastic.

Thanks maize.

Such lovely people on here. Makes such a difference

Have just asked for Friday off. Fingers crossed.

go. Spend as much time as you can with him. and your mum. I lost my Dad earlier this year and would do anything to spend time with him again. If the worse should happen you don't want to ever think 'if only'.

Hope op goes well. x

Holby City! My friend had to stop watching 'House' because she started developing strange symptoms that no one could diagnose

So sorry everything.

OK. Got the day off as compassionate leave. Sometimes I really like my employers

i wouldnt take your son,because if he gives him a chest infection and all that coughing would be really painful after the op. And after general anaesthetics you are more prone to chest infections. I know its difficult but i think it would be better not to take him,in your fathers best interests.

I will leave him at home alypaly. I know I have to.

Don't take your son, it isn't worth the risk and your dad will see them again after the operation.

I was in this situation just over a year ago. My mum had a mild heart attack out of the blue and tests showed that she needed a triple heart bypass. It was such a shock and I can remember being terrified. My mum was 71 when she had the op and overweight but she recovered and is doing really well now.

Just so you are aware, your dad will probably not look great after the operation. I saw my mum about a week after the operation and I was shocked by how ill she looked I really wasn't prepared for it. I saw her again the following week and she looked 100% better.

Sending you and your family best wishes. x

be positive ,it is a routine op these days. show your feelings,dont bottle them up.There is nothing wrong with showing your mum and dad how much you are worried and how much you care.

really hope all goes well.

I didn't realise your dad was having the op at the BRI. My mum had her op there too, the after care was fantastic.