The oh so elusive O....

[elusiveO]

Name changer.

I am not a very orgasmic woman- only had a handful in my life until I started DIY a few months back, at a very advanced age. For some reason I felt guilty about DIY( must go back to childhood somewhere). A few with DH but years back.

We have had our ups and downs and a long period with no sex. Now trying to get back into the groove.

However, I can't come with him. I think one reason is that he is sooooooo trying to please that I feel under pressure and it has become an all-too-important goal.

I almost feel it would be easier with a stranger. Anyone know what I mean?

Any suggestions as to how to crack this one?

Position etc makes no difference. It's all in my mind.

Take the pressure off him for a while by concentrating on his pleasure - give yourself permission not to come during sex.
If you're making orgasm your only goal then it becomes a race, you're too busy thinking "I've got to come" that you miss all the pleasure , you have to let yourself go and just enjoy the sensations.

I spent 20+ years only having orgasms one way, flat on my back with my legs tensed nd my husband using tongue and fingers to get me there. It got boring for the both of us.
Positions do make a difference, they did for me - get on top of him, in the dark is good, it will take a bit of practice but you basically use him to masturbate with ( he won't be complaining with a face full of boobs), a vibrating cock ring is good to get you started - that's how I started having g-spot orgasms.
A slight change of position can make a huge difference too.
Multiple stimulation can tip you over the edge because you're not just feeling genital sensations, having your nipples nibbled, your bum stroked or spanked, your hair gently pulled, your neck kissed/bitten, whatever you fancy - it really helps.
You could try the reverse cowgirl position and use a bullet vibe at the same time.

Most importantly, stop thinking about having an orgasm and just enjoy it!

I cannot add anything to what mal said

Except to be sure to introduce some vibe fun, it will make all the difference

I could add one more thing - a bit of gentle bum probing. Think "bowling ball" finger positioning.

mal, take it steady with the OP now...

behave yourself, you will frighten her away...

I have no advice really buy can empathise. I've managed the elusive 'o' once. Once. In my entire life. I was so overwhelmed I sobbed.

I think perhaps trying to find out whether there is a psychological reason behind it might help you.

I feel quite sad about it all. And sorry for dh who I love and adore but feels a bit like a failure sometimes. It's nowt to do with him though and everything to do with me.

Just letting you know that you're not alone.

A third vote for getting a little bullet vibrator involved.