Anyone had any success when staying with partner after more than one unfaithful incident?

[AuntieMaggie]

Some of you would have already seen my other thread.

What I want to know is has anyone stayed with someone after a second 'incident' and had it work?

am sorry for you

God, I would hope not.
Is once not humiliation enough?

Although there do seem to be a strange breed of women who turn a blind eye to repeated infidelity ( especially in the upper classes). They would appear to have a marriage of convenience though rather than a real, loving relationship.

Sorry but no. Leopards and spots and all that.

Why would it work?

Anyone who disrespects someone to the point that they cheat on them twice would surely see that they will be forgiven if they do it again.

When you stay in that situation, you say that what they did is acceptable.

I think no aswell.there isiusually something in the adulterers make up that needs addressing or maybe they are just not suited to monogamy.

Don't leave, but look for a new partner from the comfort of your own home. Do you really want to live in reduced circumstances? Why punish yourself like this when you have been punished already?

whoa !!! ladies, I don't think the Op was asking if a second infidelity is justified

nor was she asking if she should stay or go

she was asking if anyone has been on the receiving end and it has worked out for them ....

My ex (theres the hint!) had 2 affairs for which he profusely apologised. Then he had another - now we are divorced.

Thanks AF

The first wasn't an affair - it was flirting by text. The second however was.

When DH and I first met there were a couple of incidents of infidelity on both our parts in the very early stages of our relationship.

That was 10 years ago. We are now married with 2 kids.

I can't say that it was the best start to a relationship and along the way we've had to work hard to trust each other, but it's been worth it.

I think flirting by text is really different from an out and out affair.

I don't know to say though as my mum had my dad bck time and time again and he was always the twat he had always been

How many kids have you got? How old?
do you work?

I know many people will disagree but I think that affairs are sometimes understandable and forgiveable - but the person having the affair has to learn their lesson from that, learn to communicate about what is wrong within the marriage instead of turning elsewhere and recognise the danger signals - formaing an emotional bond with or being flattered by the attentions of someone else and nip it in the bud. Being caught out even in a flirty texting relationship should have taught that exact same lesson and clearly it has not.

In answer to your question, I have not been in the situation which you raise and do not know anyone who has. I know a number of people in situations where there has been one affair and it has worked out, a number of people in situations where there has been one affair and it has not worked out and several people in situations where there are many many affairs and they trundle on. I suspect that the circumstances you outline (2 affairs and it works out and never happens again) is uncommon.

Do you think that the lessons weren't learnt from the 'flirty texting relationship' because we didn't deal with them properly and perhaps that's why this has happened now? And that maybe those lessons could be learnt this time?

Right, so first time he took it to the edge, saw how upset you were and then decided to go the whole hog and REALLY devastate you. Nice. Sorry, I wouldn't be able to live with that. Some people just think that if they are asked back they then have a licence to do the same over and over again.

I had a call from my H's OW's H today out of the blue (a year on). It was her second affair (maybe more, depending on who you believe, and she was definitely doing some dodgy online chat as well). Anyway, he has found receipts for aftershave and other presents she bought and wondered if H had anything to do with it, and whether I could tell him what her new work colleague is like? Could you live like that, constantly monitoring and being suspicious? I truly think people can make a mistake and learn, bu more than once is a character trait not an aberration.

I think that flirting by text is different if that was actually all it was. As we see often from these threads on MN, it's often not the case.

Nah - flirting by text shows that you are willing to go behind your partner's back to get kicks. You are crossing the line and care more about getting your ego massaged than whether you hurt them. Actually having sex is just a small step on. Weren't both episodes with the same person, anyway OP?

No, Aunt Maggie said on her other thread that this was with different people Ab.

Wow, it must have been a shock to hear from OW's H again. How would you know anything about her new colleague anyway? I agree that a life of snooping and worrying must be hell - it doesn't sound as though OW has given her H any reason to trust her again.

Hope you managed to get a bit of closure from that phone call though - assume you let it be known to him that everything's wonderful for you now and told him about the forthcoming baby?

Ah - must have mixed threads. Sorry OP... TBH for the first time I didn't care about the contact, which was odd. H is very nervous that I am going to have a crisis over it all being brought up again but I don't feel it is an issue somehow. Breakthrough!

I do feel very sorry for OW's H, though it is a situation of his own making in some small way as he has chosen to give her chance after chance - how long can that go on without making you loopy? She has had at least one EA and 'our' EA/PA, plus all the 'please IM me, I'm with Mr 90% but want Mr 100%' chats with men on chat sites. My H used to work with her new colleague and I would occasionally go for drinks with them (her H works quite long hours so couldn't) so he knows I have met these people. The colleague in question is gay, btw! Which just goes to show how screwed up it has made the H, and may be sort-of relevant to OP here?