Not sure where to put this as it is a WWYD rather than an AIBU question.

[citronella]

I am going to try to stick to facts rather than emotional stuff but am at the end of my patience, thether etc etc and don't know how best to move forward so would like to hear what you would do in this situation

I divorced XH 18mths ago for unreasonable behaviour (incl. dv)after 16yrs

I have residency of DC

I work full time

I moved out of x-family home with DC into rented (XH refused to move out)house

I own x family home and pay mortgage alone

I pay rent on current house alone

I cover all dc related expenditure (no maintenance and never asked for any).

I am paying all debts incurred jointly in marriage but in my name.

x family home up for sale to pay xh settlement(for last 18mths) and only 2 very very silly offers due to house needing a lot of work to put right unfinished diy that XH started.

XH still lives in X family home

Estate agent and solicitor advise, friends advise that I should ask him to move out (he won't/can't) or get posession order so that I can control the sale of the house and getting it marketed properly

My head says get posession order
My emotions say this is the father of my children I will be putting on the street.

What would you do?

If I were you I wouldn't feel sorry for them or worry about tem being on the street - as son as they relaise their cushy rideis coming to an end they will be looking for anothe mug to ponce off.

No-brainer. Possession order.
Good luck, and keep us posted.

i would get a bloody shit hot solicitor thats what i would do

Macdoodle "And his sense of entitlement is extraordinary (at one stage he threatened he would apply for spousal support as well ), I think he has to feel he is "entitled", the alternative is that he has no pride or self worth at all, and of course that cant be it must always all be my fault"

Oh yeah I'd regularly get the "but you're on a massive salary" and "you're lucky I've not asked for maintenance" "As long as you get what you want" lines.

But there is definitely a huge chuck of lack of self esteem in his case too which is sad because he is intelligent and able. He is his own worst enemy.

put HIM on the street or you & your kids will end up there!

Be Firm, Be strong!

I am bracing myself now.

I have just instructed my solicitor to issue proceedings.

Well done. It's the best thing you can do to secure your family's future.

chrisy, what a cocklodger this "man" sounds

you are doing the right thing or he will expect you to bankroll his life forever

what sort of person freeloads on an ex-partner like this ?

you have been very patient, my love (mac, I cannot believe your situation either...)

I am afraid I would have sent my very big brothers round before now to persuade him to do the right thing (and any fuckoff cars would be ia very precarious position too)

some people need to be forced to be honourable

Out out out he goes.

.... omg what an arse of a man.

Well done, the sooner you get rid of him the better.

He was violent, you pay for everything, and you are wondering whether you are being fair to try and market the house to get an increased amount that both of you will benefit from? I think you know the answer!

Update - solicitors say the whole posession process will take 3-6 months depending on whether he defends it and I need to stump up almost £1k up front - twice as long and twice as expensive as I was preparing myself for!!

Christmas is going to be shite.

Am at home again and up since 3am with ds2 who is sick and can feel the at work

I want to go and bury myself in a deep hole until someone tells me it's safe to come out again.

[deflated and depressed] emoticon

yes it wil take time - this is a long term mission... my claims shoudl be submitted soon, looking at janaury for a initial hearing then like you depends how / if he contests...

tell yourself: christmas will be good - looking forward to progress in the new year... is a short term loan - once this is sorted you will be better off financially...

it does all take time, this is a boil that requires a lot of lancing to get rid.

slowly surely we will get there..

ugh on ds and sick, wrap up in duvet on sofa with good DVD and tune out the world

thanks cestlavielife. It is like a fat pustulent persistent boil that just won't shift.

x was suggesting in a txt that he had a proposal to make and if we talked it through and agreed we could have it drawn up. Yeah right.

I queried amount with sols and we have agreed on £500 now rest later.

My whole life feels like it's hanging on a thread.

Sorry, citronella, it gets so exhausting when you're always the one who has to sort everything out (and pay for everything). Well done on talking to the solicitor. Short-term pain, long-term gain!

just stay focused on the goal citronella...geting your home back, your dc`s settled , and getting some peace back in your life.It will be worth it.