Advice Needed ... what am I doing?

Lucky you is all I can think. From your post that doesn't sound like the response you want to hear but I'm more of the opinion if you aren't hurting anyone else and you are having a good time and enjoying yourself what is wrong.

You may think it is attention seeking but I don't think it is. So what if your ego needs a little boosting. Everyone's does from time to time and as I said it doesn't sound like you are hurting anyone by having some fun. Don't be so hard on yourself. Enjoy life and what it offers you.

In terms of the guy you wanted something to happen with letting you know he wasn't interested in anything more serious I am sorry. I'm a bit of a fatalist so my view is, there must be someone better around the corner. You might have to go around a few more corners until you find him so just enjoy it while you can. Look after yourself and your dd and take precautions.

Been there - not with kids, but definitely similar behaviour, back in my early 30s too, when I'd been dumped by someone I really thought was the love of my life. And, do you know, I am actually quite glad now that I - belatedly - got that shagging-around out of my system. Bits of it were quite self-destructive, but I seriously don't think that a phase of being a slapper is the end of the world. But I also know, very well, that feeling of wanting attention/sex/a cuddle...

for what it's worth, I'd say...

If it is hurting you, stop (or stop as much as you can). If you can separate the different things you want (I'm not very good at this, I have to say, but I have one - utterly beautiful - mate who has at times been able to do this!) - ie sex/attention/affection, and you can get them from different people, I personally don't think that it's necessarily the wrong thing to do. Whatever you do, do TRY not to get into deeply horrible setups with blokes you like, who don't want a relationship but are quite happy to go on hurting you.

And I should add that several years, another heartbreak and one bout of clinical depression later, at a point when I'd really given up on functioning relationships, kids, etc, I very suddenly took up with a lovely man, got pregnant almost instantly, have beautiful two-year-old and am now expecting second baby next month!

Thinking of you, honey.

amanda1, I'm not sure what the problem is either really! Used to be a bit of a slapper myself and err, so what, if you enjoyed yourself? (and used contraception etc) Presumably you're single, they're single and you wanted to do what you did at the time? It is a shame that Mr Nicest doesn't want a relationship but you can't make him so if you want a casual relationship with him, carry on and if you don't, don't. I don't know what else to say really except that you can't undo the past so it's pointless to beat yourself up about it. If you don't want to do it again, don't.

If I could get things 'right' in the end, anyone can. Honestly.

Amanda1 dont beat yourself over it. You have had some really good advice from the other postings.
Sorry but have to agree with meanmum lucky you.

If what you want is a partner that will be just right for you then you will find him. There will be times when you don't think this is the case but it will happen. Stay positive, enjoy yourself and take time to do things for yourself.

Have to confess that I met my husband when I was right in the middle of my slapper phase. I loved every minute of it, never regretted anything I did and am so pleased for having done it and got it out of my system.

sigh<

Those were the days.

Ditto what everyone has said. If it's hurting you, then you should stop. But if you're having fun and being careful then enjoy!! It's something that you obviously need to get ouf of your system.

have to agree with everyone else - as long as your careful (in every sense) then what the hell!!! go girl!

I too have been through the slapper stage! Glad I did because I have finally met my match, we have recently got married and have a son who is coming up to a year now! I don't feel the need to sleep around either as I have got that out of my system. You go girl, get it out your system too! Its fun any how, but as many have said before me just take precautions.

I too have been through the slapper stage! Glad I did because I have finally met my match, we have recently got married and have a son who is coming up to a year now! I don't feel the need to sleep around either as I have got that out of my system. You go girl, get it out your system too! Its fun any how, but as many have said before me just take precautions.

i personally hate the word slapper - what is wrong with 2 single people just getting down to it - you are probably sexually frustrated, loving the attention, want to wake up next to someone in the morning - and why not - why do women beat themselves up over enjoying sex, and men think it's their God given right?!!
If it is making you feel unhappy, then there are probably some underlying isues there, not related to sex at all, and might only be an issue if you find it's a recurring pattern.

Me too. It's very descriptive.

Why give yourself such a hard time.I think it's all right to sleep with people you want. You've not got a partner and your dd wasn't there. I'm so sorry you've been through horrible stuff and of course you need some attention . It must be really hard being a single mum and giving out all the time and not getting replenished and time off from a partner. Big hug from me.

Amanda1, perhaps you could try a different method of getting the love and attention you need. I know it's unpopular, but I've found the 'Rules for Dating' approach very successful in the past. If you act as if you're busy and possibly unobtainable men often become more keen. It brings out the hunter in them and they work harder to obtain you. It takes self control, but can make you feel very desired, and perhaps desired for longer as well as stopping you having that guilty feeling you know you shouldn't have but can't help. If you're interested the book is by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. I wish you the best with whatever you decide to do.

Woo-Hoo what an excellent weekend! Don't feel guilty, just relish the memories and enjoy the next time!

Sometimes the word slapper can be a right turn on too!

Good messages from all - Hope you had another good weekend to Amanda1