sad and lonely - friend making tips needed

[arewehuman]

I have one close friend and a few aquaintences and i feel so lonely. Please tell me your top tips on meeting and maing new freinds. I strick up conversations with people but it doesn't go beyond that. i fear rejection, that people don't need another friend ie me. DH and I are nice people and would dearly love a group of friends to do family things with.

Please give me your top tips to help me out of this rut. Thankyou

If you are good at striking up convos, then that is the tricky part over and done with! You should ask people to join you in doing something you have planned. so you could say something like-
"I am taking ....to the park later, why you don't you come with us?" If they say no, say "oh no worries" but then say something like "we should get together soon though, how you fixed for next week? you could some to mine for lunch if you like?" You just need to pin people down. How old are your children?

Hi there - there was a good thread about this a couple of weeks ago called something like "It's not them, it's me". I'm rubbish at getting search to work, but hoping that you can find it, or that somebody else will be along in a mo who does.

But you're not alone in feeling this way! What's your situation - are you a SAHM/WOHM, school-age children, etc?

DS1 is 5 and in reception and DS2 is nearly 2. I work three days a week. alot of the time i don't even like myself so can't see why others would. But like a said before we are kind, honest etc...just lacking in confidence.

I feel so left out and sad (and about 6), everyone seems to have a whole group of friends.

Me and DH were in just this position when we moved to Bristol from London 4 years ago. I have to say, it took ages to get to know people peoperly - could meet plenty of people via work etc but not really people we'd have much else in common with.
We did, however, find ourselves getting to know plenty of people once we got a dog (don't currently have DC's yet, we're working on it ) Not that I am suggesting you have to get a dog, but I am saying that having children is an excellent icebreaker with others who are in the same position.
Like someone has already said, if you are good at starting conversations then that's the hard bit over with. Do you see the same people in the same places? If so, just chat to them more and more if you can and then eventually suggest a coffee or similar. You'll get there in the end, and yes, you are certainly not alone!

arewehuman you sound really low but I am sure you a are lovely in RL. People are just busy and need pinning down! Is there any people you have met that you like in particular? I know it sounds daft, but are you in clubs? You know yoga, pilates? I met a really good mate in a yoga class.

Thanks. I sometimes feel it would be easier if we did move and then we would be forced into starting all over again. I agree with what you say confused about meeting plenty of people but not really having anything in common with or connecting with them. Children are a good starting point though i agree, i just struggle to break into a circle!

I do feel low at the minute. I have a lot going on, seeing psychotherpaist re aniexy and panic and have a potentially panic inducing event coming up but that's a whole other story. i am due to start a course in January which will hopefully introduce me to like minded people but i am already feeling inferior to people i have never met

arewehuman I'm not sure it's that easy to try to break into a circle, but better to try and pick off some other stragglers iyswim?

arewehuman - it does sound as if you are making a start by asking on here it takes a lot of courage but you will get there. Sometimes it is better if you make conversation with a mum a few times before you ask about meeting up.
Aim to just chat and smile to one more mum each time you do the school pick up

.

It just seems a huge task. Meeting new people i like and connect with, who have children of a similar age who will get along etc...

Thanks for your kind and encouraging words.

I have been the same. When we moved here we had some friends (a couple but they then split) and one of them kept introducing us to people - none of which we liked, In fact, we used to sit there in the pub with them trying to come up with an excuse to go home that wouldn't appear rude. We had nothing to talk about and it was really hard work - they probably felt the same too, to be honest.

Now, we have freinds but it's not loads although I suppose it's easier when you're in a couple (ie you make less effort) and also we have been quite fussy. It will come but it is something you can't force, in my experience at least.

Are you okay otherwise? You sound pretty low. Please bear in mind that the people you are starting a course with may well be thinking EXACTLY the same as you!

mein the same boat. moved into my flat five years ago. knew no-one. relied on partner for company. had baby. still now child 2 find it hard to converse with some mums. they all seem to know each other and not willing to branch out. sometimes I think it is me yet in some situations I get on with people and then think it is not me.

Sometimes the most I get is when we out and everyone says daughter is lovely and I am lost what to say as I have had this for 2 years. I know it is the first time they have met her but it is tiring.

What is the answer. Possibly like suggested try a topic i.e. children that relates at that moment in time. Try very small talk and expect no more. Repeat the following week and add a bit, ask questions about them, everyone loves talking about their situation and look interested. Pick up on topics you know about and are interested about.

its the start of a new week tomorrow so will try and strike up a conversation that extends beyond hello or good morning either at school drop off or pick up.

arewehuman I hope you are comforted by that fact that so many others feel the same as you.
Do you take DS2 to any playgroups or the suchlike?

Hiya Arewehuman just peeped on and wondered if you have checked out your 'mumsnet local' site - my sis has met up with a few mums a couple of times through that and thought it was great Good luck with everything, you sound lovely to me xx

I could have written your post word for word.

I too find it easy to talk to people initially, can strike up a conversation with most people, but I seem to reach a level then after a couple of months people seem to back away. The difference though for me is that my dh does have quite a few friends but he doesn't work locally so his social life is where he works, and although he doesn't go out a lot he does from time to time.

I did actually get to a point where I thought that I'd found a nice group of friends and invited a whole lot of them over for a bbq. They all declined within about a day of me inviting them, so thinking that perhaps they all genuinely had other things to do as the summer is a busy time I moved the date, and again had all no's. I subsequently found out that a group of those I had invited were having a party of their own on the first date I had planned to which I hadn't been invited which is of course their perogative.

The result though is that I obviously misread the signs and will never feel confident enough to try to organize something like that again.

I do think though that the older you get the harder it is, because people often have their established friendship groups and it can be hard to break into those.

I'm not sure there's an answer tbh, but I think it's a lot more common than we realize because people don't have the courage to speak out and admit they can't make friends so we all feel alone in silence iyswim.