pregnant and my bf does not want it ?

[liccleprincess051290]

im 3/4 weeks pregnant and just found out. i told my bf and he wants me to get rid off the baby. i really dont know what i want my self. very scared off the thought off having a baby at this time in my life. but the idea off having an abortions scares me to off how and if i will regret it after. its driving me crazy. my bf has aid he cant and wont get use to the idea off this and probably would not stick around. i think maybe him saying this is edging me to get rid of the baby even tho im not sure what i want myself?

Don't do anything until you know what you want. He has made his position clear, fine, that's his right, but it should not influence you in any way. Have you talked to anyone else? GP?

Hi liccleprincess - I'm sorry that you are having to face some tough decisions right now. And the only person who can decide what's right for you is you.

I thought it might help you to tell my own story. I too became pregnant when I was younger with the man (child) I was living with. We were also due to be married in a few months. He didn't want the baby, was adamant about it and convinced me that we could always have another one at a different time. I made the difficult decision to terminate. Although it was very upsetting, I tried to make the best decision for the relationship. I was also a student with no job and no real home at that time.

We did get end up getting married anyway, he lasted about a year and then left. I know that he would have left me and the marriage even if I had the baby. That thought pains me the most.

I will always feel sad that it happened, however, 10 years on, I am married to a wonderful man and have a 2 1/2 year old daughter with him. I often think of speaking to my daughter when she is much older and basically telling her that overall, I never want her to have to be in the position where she feels she has to make this type of decision. (birth control always!)

The best advice I can give to you is that all you can do is make the best possible decision for you at this point and time in your life. You have to make the decision based on what you want and not based on the pressure of this man. It is not a good sign for the relationship that he is not being supportive of you. Be honest with yourself - Are you prepared to go it alone with a small child? Do you have the support you need should you decide to have the baby? What sort of relationship to you expect to have with the baby's father?

There are no absolute right decisions or absolute wrong decisions. Please seek RL support too. I wish you well.

thank you so much, that makes alot off sense. the only thing im so worried about is, am i strong enough emotionally to bring a baby into this world and most off all go it alone.its a scary thought. and thinking about how i feel if i did terminate the baby.i dont no weather i could live with my self.but i dnt want to rezent the baby either for the breakdown off my relation ship. im petrified ill make the wrong decsision what ever that may be . thank you x

If your relationship breaks down, it is because your boyfriend is not necessarily emotionally mature enough to be a partner to you or a father...that is not your fault and it wouldn't be the baby's fault.

And yes, going it on your own with a baby would be a very daunting task as I think any mother in MN would be able to attest. I am 38 and I have the help of my husband and I find parenting one child to be very hard at times. It's not just about having a baby, it is about having a person and the responsibility involved in raising that person who will have their own wants/needs/personality. And for a while, these things will override your own wants and needs.

Do you have any RL support? Friends? Family? You should really start talking to them too....not just the boyfriend.

It is easier (emotionally) to do it alone than to be with a partner who is totally unsupportive. Had two children with my x, and they were planned, but he was so useless and then blamed me for everything and just wanted to spend his money on other things, that it was easier after I left.

HOPE that helps.

If it were me, I wouldn't want anything or anyone linking me to that tosser for life.

Whatever happens, kick that twat to the kerb please?

But if you terminate, and regret it, are you going to feel the same about the man who 'made' you do it? Whatever you choose (I'm pro-choice btw) do it for you.

Let me tell you my story. I'm 34, married with three children. The marriage is not good, I think it's nearly over. A few weeks ago, I discovered I was very accidently pregnant ( we had had sex once with a condom the month before ).

To begin with I was certain I couldn't have a termination, that I would have the baby, no matter how hard it would be. However, I felt no joy at being pregnant, not like the other three times. But I really didn't think I could do it. I knew that is what my husband wanted.

So, I settled into pregnancy, trying to come to terms with having another baby. I didn't settle and I couldn't come to terms with it, so after a month, I decided to terminate. I decided to do it, because I wanted to, not because my husband wanted me to.

My advice to you is don't rush into any decisions. You might feel that if you are going to terminate, it is best to do it as early as possible, and I agree with this to a a degree. But please don't rush your decision. I knew I was pregnant for five whole weeks before the termination, which happened today. My emotions changed hourly over that time, I changed my mind just as often, but once I'd decided, a week ago, I kind of knew it was the right decision for me. The procedure itself ( surgical ) wasn't too bad - nothing to be scared of. I know I will feel sadness at times, but for me and more importantly, my children I think, it was the right decision.

Please take your time, you have a few weeks. I know our circumstances are very different, but I thouht I would share. Make sure you do what feels right for you.

My ex wanted me to terminate but I refused. I wanted a baby more than a man. I don't regret it.

How much do you value this relationship. I hate to say this but he really isn't valuing you because if he was he'd support your decision.

either way get rid of this bf. he's a knob.

Groundhogs- it is not the baby's fault that ops boyfriend is a complete knob.

Even if you have a baby with him you could tell him to get stuffed. He dosn't have any responsibilities if his mane isn't on the birth certificate.

You should really seek councelling about this.

It is hard being a single mum but worth it if you really want your baby.

Do you really want a mna who would ditch you if you were pregnant?

PSM, that's why i said 'If it were me..' it's OP's choice, totally

But, the bloke is a twat, she's well advised to kick him into touch no matter what she decides.

thank you every one for being such a help.i was very scared off making the wrong decision. im not going to listen to what my bf wants and dont wants. im going to concentrate and do whats right for me and if i feel this baby would have a good shot at life. i feel i have a lot off thinking to do.thanx again

You do have a lot of thinking to do, and you sound like your considering things very carefully.

I don't know how old you are (and it doesn't really matter - you come across as though you have the maturity to make the right call for you) but, given that you come across quite young, I would add this:

It is your decision, and not the BF, but... it's worth bearing in mind that he might be reacting from fear. It doesn't give him a right to be a knob, but the immediate 'get rid of it' reaction seems more common in young men because they're terrified of what it means that they might be a father.

If you decide to keep the baby, and if you decide to still have anything to do with the father, you may find yourself surprised by him.

Or, unfortunately, you may not.

Good luck making your choice.