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14 year old chucked by first boyfriend, Help

6 replies

easy · 02/06/2003 15:04

My niece is absolutely devastated.

She is 14 (quite emotionally immature), and this weekend her "boyfriend" (same age, sits next to her in science)came to her house to visit. They spent saturday together messing about on the small farm, and adhering to a few rules set by my BIL like "bedroom out of bounds".

All seemed to go well, but last night boyfriend rang up and said he doesn't want to go out with her anymore, we don't know why.

Bless her, she's so upset, What should we say to help.

We know as adults it's not important, but to her ......

OP posts:

Rhubarb · 02/06/2003 15:57

She will get over it. If it's any consolation it will help her to mature emotionally. Just reassure her by telling her stories of when you got chucked by boys, and how you thought the world had ended. Luckily for children this type of emotional hurt is generally short-lived and they do bounce back quite quickly.


M2T · 02/06/2003 16:04

My first love dumped me when I was 17. We'd been engaged for a year. It WAS the end of the world. What really helped was knowing that I was being taken seriously. My Mum didn't patronise me or tell me it was just puppy love. She recognised that I was genuinely gutted.

That helped loads. Just let her know that you know how it feels and that itll get better. Like Rhubarb says - she probably will bounce back in a week or two.


wiltshirelass · 02/06/2003 16:08

god, can you remember this? it WAS the end of the world. oh, the rejection - wanted to die. almost nothing anyone could have said to me to make it feel any better - except as m2t says, to take her seriously and point out that it happens to everyone, it happened to you, it will happen to her again, and no doubt she will break a few boys hearts by dumping them too...


meanmum · 02/06/2003 16:48

If she is the sensitive sort it may take her longer than normal to get over this so is it possible to organise some outings or something with her so she knows how important and loved she is to those that care about her. She also needs to be constantly reminded, until she gets over this, of how special she is and that it is his loss.

It's a damn good thing he has moved on as this leaves her open to new and exciting opportunities and not just of the male variety. How about asking her if she wants to start an after school/holiday hobby that will get her out and about meeting new people. Or, volunteer work at an old age home or hospital to remind her of how lucky she is in her life. I know hospitals and homes are always looking for people to read stories for them and she will feel like she is valued by people again.

Ego is such a fragile thing.


easy · 02/06/2003 20:03

Thanks all,
Yes we all know she will get over it (my request was a bit tongue in cheek), it's just so devastating.

I was trying to remember what it was like, but actually I don't think I was ever chucked. I was fairly hard hearted, and seem to remember that I did all the chucking if they didn't meet my standards. I should point out that there were not THAT many of them, except for one glorious summer in my late teens when I had 3 blokes on the go at once, great fun, but complicated for the parents. My father daren't answer the phone, cos didn't know what to say if boyfriend 2 or 3 rang while I was out with boyfriend 1.

She does after school activities, and is a scout, so more opportunities will arise soon, it's just the first time is so bad ....

OP posts:

Ghosty · 02/06/2003 20:36

The poor poor thing ... I remember this so clearly. I was 16 and thought I would marry this boy and when he dumped me (for one of my best friends) I was just devastated. My mum was brilliant ... she let me cry and made all the right noises.
I met him again, David, years later, when my DS was about 3 months old. He lives in Canada and was visiting my brother in the UK (they were always good friends).... and boy, was I relieved that he HAD dumped me?!!!! He was really fat and really boring!!!!! I just couldn't see anything attractive in him AT ALL ... but if anyone had told me that when I was 16 I would never have believed them!!!

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