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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

how can i support my friend? awful situation

3 replies

Numberfour · 18/11/2009 10:26

a good friend of mine has split with her partner (his choice). she is 7 months pregnant and this is their second child. they have never lived together so at the very least the painful part of separating that part of their lives is not an issue.

the reason why i don't know how to support her is because he ended their relationship about 5 months ago, after telling her that he was involved with another woman. after weeks of discussion and tears and trauma, they got back together again.

during the first break up, i virtually opened my home to my friend so that she and her child were not left alone and miserable on weekends. for weeks, she would be at mine on a Saturday night and spend the night here with her son. I have a DH and DS and our kids are good friends.

however, having her here so often took its toll on me and DH and family life. we both work long hours and need our time on the weekends.

i so want to be there for my friend who is beyond distraught, but i do not want her staying over at ours again. i realise that may sound harsh and i know that she so deeply and sincerely appreciated it, but i cannot do it again.

so my question is how can i help her without letting it take over my family again? my heart breaks for her.

any ideas? maybe i spend time at hers? but that would also eat into our precious weekends. or am i being selfish??

OP posts:
notyummy · 18/11/2009 10:33

Can you plan some dates for her to come over so she has them to lookmforward to, and you know that you will have some time to yourslef as a family. Perhaps email and say 'can't wait to see you and give you a hug...how would x date be?'

Stay in regular email/text/phone contact so she doesn't feel cut off?

You sound very caring and supportive, but you obviously have to think of your family too.

WhiteRoses · 18/11/2009 11:07

Hi,

I don't really have any words of wisdom - I leave that for others! But I did want to say, for what it's worth, that I think you're being anything but selfish. Hope it all works out as best it can for you. x

Numberfour · 18/11/2009 12:51

thanks, notmummy and whiteroses.

sounds like a good iea, notmummy. i think that i should also just be stronger and not let her land up at mine after we have been out together as has happened a few times. and then out comes the wine and she lands up staying here.

whiteroses, i had an awful break up (but no kids involved) many years ago and a friend of mine looked after me so well. i am now just trying to do for this friend what someone else did for me years ago! but thanks... i do feel awful in not wanting to invite her over on a Saturday - and DH has asked me to keep our weekends to ourselves, which is what i want too!

OP posts:
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