Why is it complicated....I need different perspectives....help!!

[stephie101]

I split with my husband in the summer, it was coming, no shocks, we have 2 dc together. I met someone 3 months ago, and fell in love, knowing he's who I want to be with for ever more....I fell pregnant 7 weeks ago and have since had an ectopic pregnancy, numerous hospital addmissions and surgery last week. DP has a daughter of 4yrs, who is a sweetie, he's lived on his own for 3 yrs, he likes space,time and calm, my dc like being around me and him. We want to live together, but over the last 48 hrs, I'm getting mixed messages, i'm emotional, and probably making a fuss over nothing. even reading this is confusing me, DP has been by my side through everything, looking after my dc and walking my dog! He now says he needs to recharge, am I asking to much to have definiative answers?
And wtf do i do in the meantime when my life is on hod after surgery?.....Oh and the ExH is being an arse...!

When you say recharge-does he want time apart?

It´s obviously a good sign that he is still around, but maybe it´s just that such a lot has happened so quickly.

Perhaps it´s made him think about does he want more chldren, and does he wasnt to take on your two full time.

Don´t be offended, I´m not trying to say there´s anything wrong with them.

Does his daughter live with him?

He might also be thinking about how this might impact her as well, as it sounds as if he´s put you first lately-not a bad thing of course, but perhaps confusing as he´s maybe also put you above his daughter, which might feel odd.

Sorry that there´s not much useful theer just random thoughts.

Look after yourself & I hope things get sorted out for you soon.

I'm sorry to hear about your ectopic pregnancy and hope you feel better soon.

However I do think you are being very quick off the mark here. You split with your DH a few months ago and have already committed emotionally to another man who, like you, has already had another big relationship with children in his life.

Relax! Don't go so fast! You are going to scare your new man off, which is, I am sure, not your intention. Try to manage a bit more on your own.

there has been a whole life-time of things going on for you and him in such a short space of time.

It may have made him think he is not ready to take on such a big commetment.
probably not what you want to hear but it may be the case.

As for your h being an arse - he should be helping with the dc but you are no longer his responsibility are you.

whoa !!

slow down, love

this guy must think he is on a speeding, runaway rollercoaster

let him back off a bit

cool your own jets and agree to take it more slowly

if you are meant to be together, he will come back to you refreshed and with his head in gear

and please use reliable contraception for the next little while....

Do you know what, your all right, irrational thoughts from a headcase I say, yeah if its meant to be, it will be.

as for the contraception, it was all reliable, tbh (tmi) but it didnt even go that far, little swimmers still got through the blasted pill protection...and kids are fab contraception..

Yeah take stock, emotionally, physically and join a nunnery i reckon.

As for the ex H he dosnt live nearby, we wernt his responsibility for the last 8 years,hence the split, god i sound like a right old moany bint today....

Plan A, put the brakes on!!!! Plan B, focus on me....Plan C,Fuck em all and concentrate on MY stuff.

Cheers guys, youv'e given me a kick up the booty..xxxx

I am sorry for your loss.

I was so desperate to be with DH and I wish now i had just enjoyed the moment as nearly 14 years together we are married with kids and I still can't wait for him to come home.

Slow down, use contraception and just enjoy life.

Diddl his daughter lives with him 3 days a week, and is just brilliant, but its always been just the two of them since she was 1yo.

bonsoir yeah I am always quick off the mark, usually the wrong mark!! Always think toooo much!!As for the ex Hubster, he left last december to join the bloody navy at 31!!! weirdo, thinks he's bloody andy mcnab!!

anyfucker Just to say I love your name...lmao...awesome!! Yeah rollercoaster is right, i didnt even think about about having more children, or a new man, too much too soon, although he says the time scale is irrelevant, which is cool, but tbh it's scares the living shite outa me..

Contraception...thats what bugs me...i was so adult and sensible......the ectopic thing just happened,thing is i really hate relying on people, can't even wipe my own arse withou..."are u ok"..lol

Just a thought, do you think he just needs some space to grieve over the loss of your pregnancy?

We're all different and perhaps he just needs some time alone, some "cave" time.

Sorry that you've been through so much - hope you recover well.

blueywhite Ya know what, he did say last night on the phone, he feels it's his fault, although rationally he knows it's not, you could be right, thing is I've asked how he feels about it, but he said he wanted to focus on me....it is hard being in a relationship with someone as deep and as intense as I am...