Mumsnet Logo
My feed

to access all these features

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.


'In crowd'

11 replies

Podmog · 02/06/2003 12:26

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

M2T · 02/06/2003 12:28

How awful!
How come you didn't know anyone but they all knew each other already?


Podmog · 02/06/2003 12:32

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

happycat · 02/06/2003 12:35

Don't take it to heart most commitee's /organisations are like this read the p.t.a thread's its a shame people have to behave this way then they wonder why people don't want to join.It's not about you it's their own bad behavior that is at fault.Is it the first time they have behaved like this.could you not have a word with whoever is in charge first before resigning?


SueW · 02/06/2003 12:43

Yes, there is something you can do. You can complain about it.

Someone who attended an AGM I was part of recently fedback through one of our committee members that she felt completely unacknowledged, everyone seemed to know each other, there were too many acronyms used and discussion carried on as if everyone in the room was familiar with everything.

It was brought up at the next meeting that she had made these remarks and it was minuted. As a result the format of meetings has changed so that:

  • introductions are made - everyone introduces themselves - no assumptions that everyone knows each other

  • everyone is expected to look for an unfamiliar face and approach them and ask if they would like to be 'mentored' through. We all agreed none of us would be insulted if we were approached as 'unfamiliar'!

  • if a new person rings in advance, the person they ring should offer to mentor them through.

    She was sent a copy of the minutes and a letter of apology.

    Having been involved with voluntary organisations for a while now, I appreciate how difficult it is to find people to fill roles so it can be a godsend to get to a meeting knowing that 80% of jobs are pre-allocated. However, it's also important for new people or those not in the 'inner circle' to know their input is valued too - even if they can only offer to be around for a couple of hours or to phone 20 people over the course of a week/month.

sb34 · 02/06/2003 13:21

Message withdrawn


SoupDragon · 02/06/2003 13:58

Yes, I've had run ins with certain committee members when I was involved in voluntary work for a charity. The same people made the decisions and one person in particular was above the law. Exactly like the In Crowd at school all over again. I slunk off in a cowardly fashion but not before I'd pointed out a few home truths to the chair of the committee.

Is there a chair of the group you can express your concerns to, Podmog? This doesn't always work, especially if (a) the chair is one of the In Crowd and (b) the people you are complaining about can do no wrong in his/her eyes. You definitely need to bring the subject up somehow although this isn't always easy.


Tortington · 02/06/2003 22:14

if you feel confident enough you could ask the secretary to put you on the agenda of the next meeting - so you have your won little slot so to speak - where everyone should listen. there are committee skills courses around - maybe you could suggest each member of the elected committee after each AGM must atend this training as standard and write it into your groups constitution if poss, does it have a constitution?


Lindy · 02/06/2003 22:18

Podmog - so sorry for you but this is, sadly, such a familiar situation - I am involved in a few different committees and they all seem to end up in cliques and people getting political, rude and nasty - very unpleasant when you live in a small village. I know it take guts but I think you really need to phone up the Chairperson and try and have a word about it, make out that you really want to get involved but certain aspects are making it difficult for you.

It's such a horrible situation, I can really understand why most of the population remain totally apathatic towards committees and voluntary work!


Tortington · 02/06/2003 22:30

and do remind them tht you are giving up time away from your family to do this - i used to like using that one when i was on a committee with a lot of old people who wanted to spend 2 hours talking about bingo - and i just used to shout " i have children and a family, this is my voluntary time and can we PLEASE get through the agenda" regularly!

an agenda is vital - that way if the chair is crap you can often interject with things like " for goodness sake cant we move on i have children to bath " or whatever


Lindy · 02/06/2003 22:34

Good point custardo - I have just remembered that the last 3 meetings I attended, which all ended up in huge rows (although I dare not open my mouth) - I actually had to pay for a babysitter so that I had the 'privilege' of attending!!


SueW · 03/06/2003 00:12

I had a chat with a couple of people about meetings last week and these were our top tips for getting them over with ASAP:

  • No-one is allowed more than 200 words i.e. they are better off thinking of their report in advance and submitting it in writing

  • Don't put out chairs or allow anyone to sit down. Never provide refereshments.

  • Good chair is essential for moving onto next topic

  • Any meeting that lasts more than half an hour is wasting too many people's times. Actually we originally came up wit ten minutes but slackened on this, depending on number of people in meeting.

    Obviously there are times when meetings need to be brainstorms or when more time is needed to chew over ideas but some companies/committees can go on for ever.
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Sign up to continue reading

Mumsnet's better when you're logged in. You can customise your experience and access way more features like messaging, watch and hide threads, voting and much more.

Already signed up?