Maintaining an erection

[SnakeWard]

DP and I have enjoyed a good sex life up until now. It seems he can't maintain an erection all of a sudden. He's fine through foreplay but as soon as we try to have sex it goes down.

It's only been happening for the past 2 weeks but it's starting to bother me a bit.

Any idea what could be causing this? He said it has happened to him in the past but that was partly because he was overweight. He isn't anymore.

Hello, interesting first post on Mumsnet.

Cat, I would namechange for this too.

Don't be so quick to shout troll.

General illness, plus things like blood pressure, heart condition, diabetes, being overweight or just very unfit, stressed, overworked, tired out can be an initial cause. However, in my personal experience then worrying about it and becoming anxious he is going to 'fail again' makes it inevitable it will keep happening.

The initial cause may well be medical and needs investigating but the ongoing stress and worry about it will make it much worse.

What can also case it is feelings of guilt, inadequacy, boredom with sex during TTC, and other general psychological factors.

Do any of those things I listed sound like they may be factors?

Thanks abetadad. He has recently started full time work after a few years only working part time. He feels tired and fatigued most of the time so I guess this could be part of it.

Sounds likely.

Dis - oh yes, just pointing out what's not immediately obvious.

It might be stating the obvious but have you tried dispensing with the foreplay, just to give him confidence about performing?
I'd be inclined to get him up, slap on some lube and get in there so to speak. You could try a cock ring too as they trap the blood and keep things nice and firm.
If he's letting it become an issue, instead of "one of those things" - I believe it happens to all men at some point, it will be harder to break the habit.
Is he getting frequent erections during the night? If he's fully hard on waking it usually means his problem isn't medical.
If he's tired from work, get him a men's health vitamin that has ginseng and ginko in it - they are beneficial for circulation, especially for the genital blood supply pomegrantate juice is good too.
If he's over 40, has he got any other symptoms such as problems with urination? Prostate enlargement and infection can be a factor in ED.

Also, does he smoke, or drink quite a bit?

SnakeWard what you said about "but it's starting to bother me a bit" is also another reason he will begin to feel under pressure. Not wanting to disappoint you and not wanting to feel like a falure will be making things a lot worse.

I disagree with Malificence as that will put a lot of pressure on him to perform. Instead, I suggest rather going the other way. Going to bed very very early so he is not so tired. Most importantly, no penetration at all for a few weeks but taking a lot more time, just foreplay, tell him directly you have no expectation that he wil have an erection and lots of of reassurance that you are enjoying yourself anyway will bolster his confidence as well as give him time to recover from being tired from starting work.

If that does not work get him to the GP

my husband went through this, think it was caused by stress at work and being shattered. He took a gel off the internet called 'Kamagra'. It was brilliant, took 15mins to work and just gave him a bit of confidence.

He stopped using it and regained his natural ability after a couple of weeks.