Broken hearted again!!

[Eve34]

i was going to name change but not much point.
I have been here several times and just need a kind word so please - be gentle.
Brief history - DP and I have had a troubled year emotional drifed apart and he meet someone else, this has finished and we have been trying to get back on track over the past few months.
He says he loves me but not in love with me - that the spark has gone for him.
So I guess I am asking, if there is away forward from here for us?
I told him if his gut says no more then to go, I can not keep going through this.
I have suggested relate.
I guess we are b oth just scared of the next stage - I just want to scream I am not sharing my son. I know that I have too, I will not stop them seeing each other.

Sorry for ramble just know that those in real life will say get rid.... xx

Hi Eve34, so sorry this is still going on for you. Will he go to Relate so that you both can be really sure of your feelings. It does help having an independent third party view on things who have no agenda at all. You need to be sure of your feelings for him too.

TBH he probably doesn't really know himself and would probably benefit from individual counselling. The limbo cannot continue for your own sanity and all the while he is saying maybe you will hold on to that hope and that is not fair.

Sorry it's not much help but I do know my DH was very confused for a few months and has now realised what is important in life etc.

Good luck.

Hi eve

Sorry you are going through this.
Do you think he maybe wants you to finish it for him so that he can be the 'victim'.?
Also wonder if that is what you want too. (and i dont blame you for that - you are in a situation you didnt want to be).

As hard as it is try not to focus too much on how the relationship is going - try to seperate that from how you feel about what you want.

Do some things just for you - and maybe you will feel very differently about whether you want to have the hasstle of maintaining this relationship.
So be kind to yourself and make sure you make yourself happy from now on.

Thank you ladies, counting to 10 so glad things are going well for you, do you feel that relate has helped both of you see away forward?

Guess I am clutching at straws and should give up gracefully?

Getting to old for this shit :-(

Relate helped us a lot. It helped me and DH see our behaviour for what it was and why we did what we did. It all goes back to our dysfunctional childhoods. DH had gone into self-destruct mode (because of all the stresses going on in our lives) and neither of us had the skills to deal with it. He has behaved like a child all his life and is now changing, quite dramatically in some ways, and our lives our turning around. The business is almost back on track (after some serious problems with HMRC), and home life is much better - we are putting us and our marriage top of the list.

I wouldn't say we were completely out of the woods - I really do struggle with the fact he had an affair and left me for her (even though I know now he had no emotional attachment to her - it was all part of his self-destruction (she was his rock bottom)and I doubt we would be where we are today if he hadn't had the affair. But he has had to deal with some serious issues and make big changes and he has stepped up and done everything necessary. He has had to do some serious self assessment (and I have done some too).

It's really down to whether your DP is willing to put in the effort. An appointment for Relate would show willingness on his part but in the event that he doesn't want to, then it will help you sort your mind out IYSWIM.

Good luck

He is moving out at the end of the week. I keep trying it remember all the difficult times but I am just in pieces.

Eve - I seem to be posting the same thing to you, month after month. I'm also a little puzzled - I thought he had moved out a few weeks back and was then returning to talk? It sounds like he moved back in again and is planning on going yet again.

All this vacillating and telling you that he is not in love with you must be so injurious to your mental health. Nothing - and no-one - is worth that, Eve. I'd also be extremely surprised if OW was totally out of the picture, or if she is, wonder whether someone else has come along to take her place?

I understand that you will do anything to keep your family together Eve and I understand that you hate the prospect of not seeing your DS all the time, but the alternative must surely be worse? This man really doesn't seem to want to make things work and I don't think he'll ever be worthy of you.

Now that he appears to have made yet another decision about your lives, resolve to him that he is never coming back again. That you really will move on with your life and that he gets no more chances. Then do it.

We've said to you before, Eve. Taking control - and sticking with it - will do wonders for your battered self esteem. One day you will look back on this and wonder why you ever let him treat you like this for so long....

It's not exactly the same I know but I was in a relationship with some similarities.

My experience - a lot ofo on-going trouble from XH after he approached me for the big talk - months and months of him having an affair with someone else behind my back - lots of worries about how the DC's would be affected by a split

And in the end - I asked him to go and incredibly it was the best thing I could do. Since, then, although life is busy and tough in some ways I am much much happier than I have been for years. He dragged me down in ways I hadn't fully realised and it's now such a relief to be able to enjoy life again.

Thank you ladies,

WWIFN - I do hear what you are saying - honest. I read these threads and think come on ladies you deserve much better. But living it is much harder.

IYHAYKI - thank you for that I am sure you are right once I have adjusted and moved on life will be much brighter.

I know that I have to have the courage to see this through. He moved out Wednesday. I am devestated, but I can't change the feels he doesn't have for me. I just have to start dealing with it!

Thank you for your in put it is appreciated.