How do you deal with a daddy's girl :(

[Bumperlicioso]

DD has been a daddy's girl for as long as I can remember. She is 2.5 and for the first 10 months I was at home with her. Even then she was a daddy's girl. I would be at home stressed and DH would come swooping in to rescue me being super day and DD would be all smiles, even if she'd just spent the last hour crying.

Now DH does the bulk of the caring, he looks after her 3 days a week, I look after her 1 day a week, and every other Saturday. DH is definitely the softer of the two of us (which he knows and he says that is the only reason DD prefers him). I'm a bit stricter, more likely to raise my voice (which I am trying not to do). However I am more like to 'do' stuff with her, take her to groups, see friends etc. That's just scene setting anyway. In most other ways DH and I are similar as parents, it's just he is more likely to pacify her if she wants something and I am more likely to stand my ground. I have less patience, partly due to my personality but partly because I am tired all the time (work 9 hour days 4 days a week, have an underactive thyroid and not sleeping well at the moment.)

It is very clear that she prefers DH, refuses to hold my hand, only his, won't sit next to me. The other day I had got up with DD, when it was time to wake DH up I crawled back into bed and tried to get DD to come in with us, she had a tantrum and didn't want me in the, and didn't want to sit next to me. Her daddy is the first person she cries for.

I know I shouldn't get upset about it, but it does make me feel a bit sad. Will it always be like this? Is it just a phase and how do deal with it if it happens to you? It makes me feel like a bad parent.

Its really hard I know, and your not being petty so don't be made to feel so. My 2 boys used to be daddy's boys but the tide is turning(they are 4 and 6)

Could you find something special that the two of you can share(let your DH know what you are doing so he lets it be just your special thing)

For example with my DD I play with her dolls with her and her littlest pets. It may not stop the problem but it might be a small step, and a good way for you to bond.

Sorry to hear that this is making you sad.

Not sure that I have much wisdom for you but hoping you get some helpful replies.

I would keep calm and try not to let your dd see that this is upsetting you. She's too young to empathise with your feelings, but is able to push buttons to possibly make it worse!

Personally I would stand my ground when she shows any preference - eg if you and your husband have decided that you are going to be doing a particular thing with her to stick with that even if she makes noises that she would prefer Daddy to be involved.

I think I did read somewhere that say if a child is being put to bed by one parent but makes a fuss and wants the other parent to do it and the first parent gives way, even if in the moment the child is happy to get the parent they want, it gives the wrong message, ie that the first parent is not sufficiently committed and wanting to be there doing that thing. It's like testing the boundaries - how much do you want to be with me? Can I actually make you go away or are you sticking with me?

Does that make sense?

No way would I give up my place in my bed! I would calmly and kindly make it clear that I was entitled to fulfil my role as her mother in the way I saw fit.

You're not a bad parent. Most of us get tired and stressed and are not perfect parents. That's fine and I doubt that has made the difference as she has favoured your husband since the beginning.

My dd wouldn't even be held by my husband for the first year or so.. it was Mum all the way. Now they have great times together. Children do develop and change and who knows what the next year will bring. As she grows up there will be plenty of "girly" things to do together, clothes, shopping etc. Is there an activity that you do really enjoy together now and could you expand that?

Hope you get some replies from people who have experienced the same as you, who might have some good advice.

I agree with blueywhite... just bide your time and you'll probably find that she'll grow out of it.

As a child, I was a real daddy's girl, but now am very close to my mum. Lots of girlie days out shopping etc (which I still do!) and stuff like that is great for female bonding.

The same is true with my DD1. She was a daddy's girl, and still is a but I guess. When she comes into our bed, it'll be daddy she cuddles up to. But she is now 6, and loves her regular girlie days with me and my mum, where we go out shopping (usually somewhere with a creche) and have fun together. I also take DD1 out sometimes, away from Daddy and DD2. When they're so little, they do tend to have a strong bond with one, but I do think that evens out as they get older. DD2, on the other hand did have a much closer relationship with me, and Dh did use to worry that he was very much on the outside of that relationship. But again, lots of Daddy and DD2 bonding time seems to be changing that and as she is growing, it seems to be evening out.
Just give it time, and enjoy lots of girlie days out to help you bond

Thanks for the replies. It sounds like it will be easier as she gets older and we can do girlie stuff together. Thanks for the replies and the tips. DH is very conscious of it and tries to help. I'll try not to show her that it bothers me and stand my ground.

I second the others - do try not to let DD see that she upsets you as she is pushing your buttons. DD is like that and now that she is a little older (3.6) DH is starting to come down hard on her if she is mean to me and explaining that she shouldn't be mean.