thread8614

my dh and i are going through such a horrible time just lately. i feel as if this marriage is almost beyond repair so to speak. we used to be so much in love and happy i can't believe it has come to this. we spend our time bickering and argueing or not speaking for days on end unless we have to because of something domestic.he is constantly nagging me to get a job and saying things like if i had a part-time job then we could afford a bigger better house or better holidays etc etc. my kids are certainly not babies at 10 and 12 but i'm not ready to leave them on their own yet. my mom could probably help out abit but she is not particularly in good health and i could'nt expect her to have them on any regular basis why should she? it's abit to late in the day to start with childminders etc if i mention school holidays he will say something like get a job in school time then i don't think he realises that these jobs are like gold and when my kids are ill i like to look after them myself and alot of bosses don't allow for this. i'm not knocking moms who work my best friend works fulltime and has 4 kids and i think she is an inspiration. also i still pick up my kids from school and would have to make certain arrangements for that. i am unable to work in evening times because my dh works long hours and comes home at all sorts of unpredictable times because he runs his own business and he often has to pop out again for some errand or other and sometimes he works away. he is a very good dad but he has nothing to do with all the schooly type things, i do absolutely everything and run the house. his arguement is that because i don't work i should do everything in the house and he always makes snide comments if something hasn't been done. when he is away i feel so relaxed and at ease. i don't think he realises that just because they are not babies anymore that i don't do anything any more for example i am a taxi service for most of the time! if he leaves something lying around or doesn't put something in washing basket for example if i mention it he will say but you've got nothing else to do because you don't work. i just wanted to wait until they are a little bit older. the thing is i really would like a little job but i feel as if he's forcing me into taking anything.he is making me feel like a 2nd class citizen and my self esteem is very low. i just don't want to get a job just to please him i want to do it for myself if that makes sense. every single arguement we ever have ends up with him bringing up the job issue and he'll end up saying i'm a loser.(funny thing is when we met i earned twice as much as him but we agreed i should give up work to bring up kids etc) we always agree that we may as well split up if we can't get on and then he will say things like then you'll have to get a job or you'll end up with nothing. sorry to go on hope i don't sound really lazy and selfish. are there any other SAHM's whose kids are at school fulltime???