Regular but Nc'ed...
Dh and I have quite a rocky relationship at times, both of us are feisty and quite opinionated, and since having the dcs I've realised that there are many things about him that I don't like, and I believe the feeling is mutual.
The first thing, and I believe this to be the foundation of our problems, is that our parents played very different roles in our families as we were growing up. I came from a family where my parents were both high achievers, my mother quite independent - financially and emotionally - from my father, and very strong and vocal in her opinions.
Dh's parents played a much more traditional role, almost to the extreme though, whereby his mother brought up four children almost single-handedly, didn't work, was completely devoted to motherhood (and also very martyr-like) and very subservient to my fil.
Dh and I have real black spots in out relationship, and the worst are:
When I don't feel as if he's pulling his weight round the house; I sometimes feel as if I do everything - with a demanding p/t job on top of the school run and a pre-schooler at home on days off. Granted he has a physical job (as a builder) but still, I didn't choose his job for him, and he had / has? the potential what with a degree etc under his belt to do other things that are less tiring, but still...
Whenever I do anything that's slightly 'about me'... this is a tricky one but is actually the real reason for my unhappiness... for example I went out to buy a new dress earlier this week as I'm going away for a weekend soon. He was really annoyed at this, saying I buy too many clothes, and that while he was working I was out shopping (I tried to explain that I stole a couple of hours out of a packed week to go but he wasn't prepared to listen)... he gets cross whenever I buy clothes, and even though I buy them out of my 'own' money (one of the reasons why I went back to work was to have more financial freedom) and put masses away into mortgage overpayments, pension, joint acct etc - I keep about 7% of my wages to spend on myself yet still dh seems to have a problem with it.
Another thing is that he seems to really resent me having a cleaner, who I have for 2 hours a week and she really helps me in that it's one thing I don't actually have to think about, but still I know he'd rather we didn't have her (incidentally I only got a cleaner when I started work and her wages therefore come out of 'my' wages).
Some days I actually wonder if I'd rather be on my own without someone breathing down my neck checking my emails and getting funny about me spending money on myself and going away for the very occasional (like, once a year) weekend with friends...
I'm beginning to feel trapped and a little claustrophobic in our relationship and I just don't know where to go from here. He is a great dad (nicer and more respectful to the dds than he is to me I feel), and at heart I know he's a good soul, but he's turning into such a dour old f*ker. He also gets really possessive, to be honest (yeah I know I'm going to sound big headed) I am quite attractive and I do seem to get quite a lot of attention from men. Dh hates it, even though I never do anything intentionally to cause his paranoia.
Sorry this is so long.