My sister's behaviour towards my son....

[Gmac2009]

My sister has not given my 3yo a birthday present despite the fact that I drove to her house to make sure her 3yo ds got his on the day and brought party treats and a beautiful gift to her 7yo daughter's day. I have asked her about it and her reply has been "oh it's not as if he's bothered is it? i'll get it eventually."

I've been made to feel like I am being totally unreasonable but I'm actually very hurt. She didn't even get him a card and she and her children came to his party!

Ahhaaargh!! Help me feel sane again! Please!!

To add insult to injury my eldest sister has also repeatedly done this. I went through the same rigmarole with her and eventually asked if we should just agree not to give gifts? My son was given a very belated gift from her on her last visit and received his first birthday gift from her this year.
and believe it or not the other sister has frequently bemoaned my eldest sister's lack of giving??!!!

I'm afraid that I would back off and not bother getting her DCs any more gifts. I wouldn't bother helping out at any of her DC's birthday parties etc. If she kicks up a stink, then tell her straight.

The only sensible course of action going forward is to not get either sister a present, I would still get the children a card and a small gift but not bother with either for sisters or their partners.

Selfish ignorant f---ers.

bump

I would leave out gift-giving in the future, since it seems that you are far more bothered about it than either of your sisters. Or at least give your nieces and nephews just a small gift without much fuss.

I can not imagine asking someone, even my sister, where their present was, that is SO rude. You were reasonable the first time if you really thought you'd lost it, but to say "then I asked her the next time I saw her to get him some t-shirts, then when she didn't bring it I asked again" and THEN to say "perhaps I'll have one more try" just seems bizarre.

I agree, you shouldn't ask for, or expect, to be given presents.
I have a sister who is a bit obsessive about presents and whilst she has always given me and dcs lovely gifts, there is also such an expectation from her about giving something equally lovely (and often expensive) to her and her family, that to be honest it takes away a lot of the enjoyment I would usually have from shopping for a present and giving it to someone, because if the present isn't 'lovely' enough and god forbid it should be late!, then she is jsut really offish and offended, and I end up feeling why did I bother at all.

Hi B&J

I can understand that's not a good situation. I don't care what the gift costs, or if it's equal to the gifts I give her kids, I just don't want my child treated like he doesn't matter.
To make things worse we were at other sister's child's party today and non-gift-card-giving sis gave to him. Now that's mean.
If you're not a giver just a taker then I don't like it but will eventually accept it. But if my ds is singled out then that's just horrible.

Yes, it sounds like she is using the child to make a point on some other (hidden) agenda, doesn't it?

B&J, my lovely Middle Sister would do this...it was almost a competition and if I didn't "play" then that was golden fodder for her superiority complex.

I clearly said we would be cutting back on Christmas gifts and she still showed up with 5 or 6 gifts per person. She got one from each member of my family-total 4. And no, I refused to feel bad about it because I know she maxes out numerous credit cards and I keep my one paid off each month. (And damn me double- I didn't buy her dog a gift!)

Refused to have Christmas with her last year, will be the same this year. I send gifts by post, early.

Stikes a nerve, obviously.
Sorry to go off like that on your thread Gmac2009. I think the best strategy for you would be to reduce your expectations from this sister down to zero and somehow suggest that to your dc as well.

Just don't give her a gift but go to her parties - tank up your ds on chocolate before hand to give him a helping hand with 'engery' and then eat and drink all her food.

I don't expects presents but I would expect one for my ds from my sister where she expects them.

No problem Ranton, it's good to hear of other people's sibling issues!

And your advice is very very tempting giveitago. I think that's going to be my plan. He doesn't get chocolate usually so the effect will be even greater!