Sorry that this might end up long. I have been married to my dh 11 years. ( together 13) I had 5 children from a previous marriage and he took on my kids when my eldest was 6. We had twins who are now 10 - both the twins are autistic and my older 5 children have Asperger's Syndrome which is a type of autism. The olders ones are now 20,19, 18, 17 and 15. Dh couldn't cope at all. He did try but going from a single bloke to 7 in 18 months was a culure shock he never truuly got to grips with. He loves them and he was involved in their lives but he drank every night to wind down and he had depression cos for other stuff going on and the kids SEN made everything very hard. Not the kids fault. This caused problems for us and a few weeks ago he moved out ( I told him to leave) Now he has a flat, he is getting a job and he is happy. He misses us all tho and we are getting on better then ever when he comes to visit. The older 4 bitterly resent him being here cos they hate sharing me and they blank him when he says hello to them - they alway gave him a hard time ( their natural father walked away)and he is used to being shunned by them. I feel they need to learn some manners but if I suggest they be a bit nicer while he is here they scream at me to stop blaming them. I am not but I love all of them and feel torn apart. He has signed the house over to me and I am thinking of selling it and buying two smaller places so the older 4 can have their own place and he can eventually move back with me and the 3 younger ones, asssuming he can work within commuting distance cos I will need to be on tap for the older ones until they get on their feet in a place of their own. They like that idea and it was broached before he moved out. They don't like the idea of him being back with me tho when we get two smaller places and no amount of telling them what I do with my relationship with dh in my own home is up to me sinks in. The rows have been horrendous and one no longer speaks to me. They said some terrible things. They are either out at college on in their rooms all the time ignoring me. They only appear for meals and not always then. Only the twins want him here at Christmas.
Life is crazy now. He arrives here early on a Saturday when everyone is sleeping and we fall into bed. He is so much better in himself, no longer drinking at all and the man I fell in love with is back. I miss him so much during the week but the kids are dismissive of my feelings and think I should get rid of him. I can't do that. It will take at least 2 years before I can sell the house and his work search has taken him a fair way away as there is none where we live. I can't see any other way forward.