Why am I so jealous?

[redwiner]

I have been seeing a lovely man for about 4/5 months and we get on really well. It's my first time of dating since I lost my DH just over a year ago. This guy is really great, not pushy, very loving and considerate,he thinks the world of me and is a good father to his 7yo son whom he has regularly. When I am with him everything is great, but when I am not with him I get so jealous over his ex wife.They have been apart for 6 years but still get on very well, to the point where they occasionally go out together with their son, and share his birthday etc. He has invited me to meet her but I just don't want to. Knowing what she is like won't make me not feel jealous when he's with her. I don't for one moment think they will get back together, or that anything's going on with them, it's just that I can't bear the thought of him being so friendly with her still, its as if they are in a little club that I can never join because of their shared history.
Am I being really stupid? If so how can I try and get rid of these thoughts and feelings I have whenever I know he's seeing her? I am worried that my jealousy (and I'm not normaly a jealous person on the whole) will destroy our relationship and I don't want that. I have never mentioned this to him as I don't want him to think I'm really horrible, because I'm not.

Well if she is still grieving maybe she is not yet ready to be dating?

Also WHY should the child do things with his mum his dad and not together? They are a family divorced or not, also why can Exs not be friends and help and support each other? Where does it say that on the divorce papers...you must forever more hate each other.

I hope the mum and dad of this little boy keep up the good work they are doing raising their son, (as far as I can see he is not unaccepting of his dads girlfriend).

Also if the OP had not had the tragic loss of a husband and had just posted that she had these feelings a lot more people would have said she was being silly, she says it herself.

I think she needs to accept this man is a good and decent person, he and his first wife are grown ups and doing a great job or parenting their child, thay are friends and that is not going to change, if she tries to stop it he will resent her and a child will be hurt.
If she can not accept this then maybe she needs to walk away and heal some more before dating.

the stuff that they do together as a family i can understand i would be jealous but still understand

as for the EW ringing constantly for support on things such as loans etc thats not on imo she relies to much on him

OP i don't think you are being silly; being the new wife/partner is hard when there is history and children with previous partners

This brings us back to square 1 kimi! You are absolutely right, I don't think OP would dispute that, but she can't help the way she feels. I don't think it is silly, I just think you are being a little harsh-I expect that with time, meeting the ex etc she can get rid of the feelings. It is early days, keep at it and work at it-you don't have to walk away. It isn't a black/white case-there are lots of shades of grey.