Oh God, you shouldn't be ashamed of being a human being with feelings! He was your partner for 18 months, he's your dd's father, what sort of a person wouldn't be upset by the crap he's giving you? You'd have to be as self-absorbed as he is not to be hurt, and besides, any decent person will automatically question themselves when someone basically tells them their own behaviour is shitty. And given all you've had to cope with (plus the demands and general exhaustion of any baby, let alone one as a single mother) it would be impossible not to be distressed. All you can do is try to put it aside as the utterly punitive, spiteful, navel-gazing self pity it is. The man's an especially unpleasant brand of loon, and a violent and abusive one. You are so much better off without him and with your gorgeous dd, and you know there are plenty of women here who have been in your shoes and a few years on are either happily single, or involved with actual human beings. I know you know all that. But there's always that small voice, isn't there, that seems to be saying that you really were as worthless as he makes out? Seriously, look at his words and his deeds. It's glaringly obvious who the waste of oxygen is out of you two, and it's not the one creating a decent life for their little person. Putting aside what he's doing to you - what he's basically saying is that your daughter has no right to exist. That is such utter, unmitigated crap. How DARE he?
Some people operate by systematically taking those closest to them apart. I had an ex who did just that, and actually I've seen fathers do it - it's not just you that had a lucky escape, yopur dd is so much better off with you as a lone parent, if her father is violent and narcisstic. Not the best model for her own future partner, hey. All you need from this man is his money, and for him to STFU and stop harassing you with his own whiny, selfish, abusive inadequacies.
A good exercise for me when people start pulling shit is to imagine someone I don't know well telling me about it. Imagine how you'd feel if someone at a parent group told you a bloke had done and said this to her. She's the one who got pregnant, she's the one who gave birth, she's the one singly parenting, yet he is complaining that her fertility has had an impact on HIS life? What was it, an immaculate conception? And talking about her beautiful little girl as if she's a leaky roof or some sort of immune system disorder, not a fantastic little human being in her own right? You want to crush his testicles between two wooden spoons, don't you?So there you go. That's the response his behaviour merits, and you are being a sodding heroine mothering alone - seriously, my mum did it too and to this day I can't fathom how she managed so well. Your dd is going to grow up feeling the same.
I'd contact the CSA, but first talk to Women's Aid to make sure he won't be able to abuse you via your daughter. (Is there any record anywhere of his being violent? And you are keeping all messages in which he is a grade A wanker? ) But really, that money isn't for you, it's for your dd - do you really have the right to turn away money that she is entitled to and which would improve her childhood? Honestly I think it's only right he make a contribution, if you can get your hands on it without jeopardising your physical/emotional safety.