I don't know what to do next, or how to handle this one.
I was in a good relationship until unplanned pregnancy, partner went awol during the pregnancy, came back and said he wanted to 'work things out'.
However, baby is now 3 months old. He won't babysit (she screams at him) and he says he hasn't bonded with her.
He goes out with his friends almost every night, sometimes coming back at 1/2am in the morning (at least he comes back) i almost feel like he's only here because it's a cosy bed and i'll cook for him and i do all the housework.
We never do anything together and he doesn't like going out in public with the baby because he feels embarassed because he doesn't really want her. I'm hiring a babysitter tomorrow night so that we can but it feels forced.
I eventually told him that's it, it's over, we can't just 'work at it' because it's stressing me out so much, you're in or out. I packe dhis things for him. He came back that evening with hugs and cuddles asking me to give it a go and he didn't want to lose us, but nothings changed.
I feel sick, nervous, stressed all the time and just put on a brave face, but it's making me tetchy all the time. I finally got up the courage to tell him that him going out all the time really upsets me and he said he was nagging and i'm certain my getting at him made things much worse, i even told him that i don't mind him going out, i just want him to try to work on our relationship too. What he now does is says he's going to work, which i never quite believed, broke my moral code and shock horror looked at his text messages, and the dates...basically he wasn't working late, he was arranging meetings with friends, on the weekends mostly too. He's even been on daytrips to london etc and not told me. Most of these texts are to a russian woman; i know she recently broke up with her boyfriend for cheating with another man, i hope he wasn't bending the truth on that and the other man was him lol! He is adamant he would never cheat, i'm enclined to believe him, but i do not doubt he might foster a 'security' relationship. The text show a great deal of familiarity.
There are texts from other friends saying 'have you got rid of her yet?' and ones that suggest to me he's telling most people, including his family (he's not let his parents see our daughter) that we're not together, and that he's telling some friends, like the russian, we're trying to work things out but that i'm being difficult/treating him badly etc! lol, this is the man who walked out on me when i was pregnant and won't even go out in public with his daughter. I'm a little incensed because i am not an argumentative or nagging person, i've never put limits on him or asked anything except for mutual respect and love.
Every morning he wakes up miserable. I try to make him happy but i can't.
Thing is, if i break up with him, i can't afford the rent for me and her, etc. And i feel like all my dreams are over and he'll just blame me for everything that has happened instead of things just going back on track towards the happy future we planned.
How can i get him to respect me again? Love me again? Should i jsut leave things and see how they go? I guess i don't want to be hurt again, waiting for the day he says that he's met someone else and wants a go with her, maybe he'd like to see our daughter twice a year, byebye, and by the way i've told everyone your a monster and that makes me look good for walking out. er...hm, i don't know what to do.