I have a lovely, caring, intimate relationship with my new bf. To be honest I have never fallen in love like this - we are both trying to take it slow and have not introduced our children yet but we will do it gradually and put them first above anything we might feel.
So why do I dare want more?
Long before the rape (vaginal and anal and quite rough, 6 months ago now) I remember normal sexual relationships. I want him to have the sexual satisfaction that I honestly believe is necessary for anyone in any sort of long term relationship. Yes, me included.
So how do I get there? I am realising I would do anything for him. But not anything actually, because the flashbacks utterly stop me. Anything that makes me feel I am being held down and I panic. We have talked about it, more than I talk to anyone. He has realised what it is and takes things gently. I am that lucky and in love.
Does counselling have the answer? Or time? Or going to the police? We have sexual differences too - he is slow and gentle and enjoys a very gentle build up - not typical for a man I guess - and I just want him a lot and quite fast - not typically feminine. We do talk a lot about it and compromise.. I do worry though that it is me.
Hope it is ok to ask this here....