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Original poster

If your DH/DP left your DCs age 2 and 6 on their own in the house...

21 replies

junkcollector · 02/11/2009 14:51

For 10 minutes (so he says but has to be more like 20 minutes) while he ran to the shop 1/2 mile away cos he had forgotten something. What would you say if you found out?

I am at home most of the time but had a freelance job this weekend. Apparently my DH did this . He told me last night after DS1 had let slip something on the phone earlier.

DH was really defensive about it but because I had had a really long weekend working and it was late when I got back I just looked at him really 'judgely' and very calmly told him I didn't like it and I was upset. But all night I couldn't sleep. I keep going over what could have happened and I have lost some trust in him. Am I overreacting or should I have lost it with him last night?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 02/11/2009 14:54

you are not over-reacting

I would be fucking furious

what an idiot

however, you can now think properly about how you want to tackle him about it

if this was a one-off and he is mature enough to admit his mistake, then make it very clear it must never happen again and then move on

if he refuses to discuss it, or admit he was wrong, then you have a problem

PrettyCandles · 02/11/2009 14:57

Neither. I would be furious! Totally unacceptable to leave a toddler alone in the house for any time whatsoever. The only exception being, IMO, if the child is asleep and you are within earshot of the house. I would not leave a 6yo alone at home either.

I think you handled it extremely well not losing it with him. It is definitely something to talk about very seriously.

mrsruffallo · 02/11/2009 14:57

No point in losing it, he is not a child.
However, he has been extremely irresponsible and I would sit down calmly and have a serious discussion about it.
Bad decision on his part

dittany · 02/11/2009 14:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheProvincialLady · 02/11/2009 15:00

It is taken very seriously by the law. If anything had happened, he probably would have gone to prison. Maybe he needs to know that so he can judge the importance of the thing he 'needs' to pop out for next time. Why didn't he take them - did he tell you?

BitOfFun · 02/11/2009 15:01

Calm discussion and logic are the way forward here, although it's fine to say it kept you awake worrying- he should know how strongly you feel. Ranting at him as though you're telling off a kid is daft though, and he's not as likely to take on board what you are saying. You have handled it right so far IMO, but now you need to follow it up.

AnyFucker · 02/11/2009 15:04

and we have all made daft decisions, where you think in retrospect "wtf was I thinking..."

but this one was potentially very serious

even if the kids were in bed, something could have happened to him on his travels

cue, child wakes up to empty house...< shudder >

colditz · 02/11/2009 15:07

Ask your 6 year old,, in front of your husband, "What would you do if Mummy or daddy wasn't in and someone knocked the door?"

he will say "I'd open the door" - because 6 year olds are helpful.

This should demonstrate how trustworthy 6 year olds aren't.

Ask you 6 year old if two year olds can go out in the front garden if their big brother is with them.

he will say "Yes" because he thinks he is an ace big brother"

this should demonstrate how much judgement six year olds don't have.

Ask your husband precisely what he would have done if he had come back and they had both been gone?

Lizzylou · 02/11/2009 15:07

At first I'd want his testicles on a plate, then I think I'd calm down and see why he thought this was an OK thing to do.
Because it's not.
He needs to know how dangerous it is and how it should never be repeated.

WowOoo · 02/11/2009 15:10

Oh my word. I would've flipped out there and then. (and I'm one of those 'dodgy' mothers who lock their kids in the car while paying for petrol..)

LisaD1 · 02/11/2009 15:21

My DH would never ever do this, not just because it is a stupid thing to do but also because he knows I would murder him with whatever it was he needed so badly he left our children alone for while he wwent to get it!

I think you have been more than reasonable to have not gone totally mental at him!

Undercovamutha · 02/11/2009 15:35

I would be FURIOUS. I don't think my DH would do it, but he did recently come in the house when he was meant to watching DD (just 3) playing in the street outside our house(on a public road) to ask me if it was okay for her to ride down the road on her bike to her friends house on her own. I said 'Not really as we need to be able to see her and she's too little'. I then asked where DD was, and DH said 'just gone down road to friends - thought it would be okay as I would be keeping an eye on her from the garden'. Me 'well, why the hell have you been talking to me in the house for the last 5 mins'. Rushed out of house, DD down at friends house along with very puzzled and bemused friends mum !
I tried not to go on about it to DH, but kept reliving what might have happened...... I think the worse thing is it can damage your faith in DH to make the right decisions.

Original poster
junkcollector · 02/11/2009 16:43

Thanks for your responses it has helped focus me. I didn't think I was overreacting but you never know.

I am very upset and do need to sit down and talk with him sensibly. I agree there is no point shouting at him (partly cos i would just make him get defensive). He did say last night that he was sorry, although he did say 'Of course I was worried about them, I locked them in so DS1 wouldn't answer the door to anyone'!!!!!!???????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The thing that he had forgotten was a present for one of DS1's friends for a party he was getting picked up for that afternoon.(I had asked him to buy it on Saturday whilst he was out with the boys).

I feel a little bit like I can't shout because I asked him to get it in the first place but FFS surely he has the sense to see that it's not worth risking my children's life for is it? DS1's friend would have understood if he got his present a day late!!!!

I'm a bit confused because really I thought he had more sense!

Sorry about all the exclamation marks.

OP posts:
GrimmaTheNome · 02/11/2009 16:55

It sounds like he knows he made a bad judgement call. Given which it probably wouldn't help to lose it with him now - a discussion along the lines of, 'ok, what you did was daft but luckily we got away with it this time, so can we agree that we wont leave the kids alone again for any reason until we've both decided together they are old enough.'
might be appropriate

frostyfingers · 02/11/2009 17:24

I don't think going mad will help now. I think you calmly need to say exactly how dangerous it was, and that it must never happen again. TBH I expect he feels terrible and guilty and that should be enough to stop him from ever thinking about doing it again. Point made I expect, it isn't worth shouting at him, and although you're angry I don't think you should bear too much of a grudge. He's had a lucky escape.

Original poster
junkcollector · 02/11/2009 18:05

Thank you Grimma and Frosty.

I think I probably will just mention it again tonight in an 'are we agreed?' kind of way.

I have learned something useful though! I just asked DS1 what he would have done yesterday if someone had answered the door. He said 'Daddy said to ring the emergency services' (DH is french so his english can be a bit over formal sometimes)I asked DS1 if he remembered what the number for The Emergency Services is and he said '919'! I think I'll have to do a 'how to phone the police' game with them (and that includes not so Dear H who bloody well told DS1 that that was the number!!!!!)

OP posts:
Original poster
junkcollector · 02/11/2009 18:08

meant knocked on the door

OP posts:
LadyGlencoraPalliser · 02/11/2009 19:47

When DD2 was a baby DH once left her alone in a crowded shopping centre food court while he took DD1 to the loo. I was furious when I found out. DH pointed out that they had just left their food and if he hadn't left DD2 to guard it someone might have taken it. It took quite a lot of screaming work to convince him that he had his priorities slightly wrong.

reikizen · 02/11/2009 19:52

You are all much better people than me. I would have beaten him to a bloody pulp.

Original poster
junkcollector · 02/11/2009 20:17

We had our chat. He was VERY sheepish and apologetic and has promised never ever to do it again! I feel a bit relieved cos I really thought he was losing it.

I'm might try quiet calm rage all the time from now on though. It worked much better than shouting- mind you he was in the wrong and heknew it.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 02/11/2009 20:32

ah good junkcollector

he made the appropriate response and you handled it well

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