I fell out with a guy I have been dating (have posted on here before about this). I know all the factors are downsided with regard to this relationship. We don't see a lot of each other as it's a LDR and he has let me down continually. We have never had an out and out argument where we yell at each other, but I kicked it to the curb about August because 2 months went by without us meeting due to all the excuses under the sun. It has become unspoken, but I never go to his and have never been to his in 2.5 years. Mostly the reasons are financial and his change of job and him going thru an unsettled period. He kept in touch daily and 'wept' about not being able to see me... says he loves me etc da de da da da.. He is not married and lives in a shared house. That is his excuse, I guess.
Meantime, during this breakup, I met another man who has proved to be far more enthusiastic and makes the effort to get to me, keeps the relationship going. After our second date, I went to his place and stayed over and he was lovely, cooked a nice meal and went to great lengths to show his appreciation etc. He lives about the same distance away (in a different direction)
Then boyfriend Nr. 1 came to bring me the things he bought for me and my DD whilst working in Scotland. He could see I was miffed and offish. I should have said there and then about the fact that I had met another person and although it is early stages, I still should have mentioned it, but I didn't. Nr.1 was being typically sweet and I just didn't have the heart, plus, despite all, I care for him, I was very close to him emotionally even though he didn't fulfill things, I saw it as unfortunate circumstances beyond our control. He begged to be given another chance to prove himself now things were straightening out for him.
I thought (and proves I am right) he won't be able to, he can't pop over and get to see me, I still won't go to his and it will fall into the old rut and he'll think it's 'fine'. That is how it is. I haven't actually seen him for about a month, again. So the old pattern is there. He can't overcome this.
Meanwhile, Nr.2 is 'all that'. He loves it when I go to his, he drives rain and shine to see me, gets on 'greyhound' cheap buses if he's low cash wise, you know... does figure 8's in the air to get to me. Awww .
I can't manage with this situation. I don't know how to end it with Nr.1 as I have not given off the right signals at all. I am at fault here and hate myself for it. You shouldn't do that to people, and I feel awful whenever either one phones. I feel like backing out of both when really I should show backbone and 'do' what should be done. But I know that Nr1 has had such a hard lot lately and through it all has always professed his love for me, although it hasn't actually 'shown' through with regard to actually 'being there'. Ugh... just the thought of it weighs me down. I haven't encouraged Nr1 to come down and have been away at my sisters for half term (so have seen neither) but Nr2 phoned daily and is eager to see me.
Has anyone else been in this awful situation? Shall I just let Nr1 drift into the grey realms of friendship?. Not actually 'say' but avoid at all costs? Then he'll get the message?