DH is actually starting to really get to me now. grr.

[PavlovtheWitchesCat]

He has been in a pissy mood for days. Just sniping, moaning, sarcastic, misinterpreting things deliberately.

Todays most recent:

DD spills coffee over the floor after bouncing on the bed, despite being asked not to, then runs around like a loon.
Me: I am going to take her out i think, she needs to run
DH: you? not 'us'?
me: we can all go?
DH: why, thanks for including me, you said 'i', you were not intending on asking me
Me: i did not mean anything by it, just that DD needs to go out
DH: i know what you meant.

Then. DH is at the computer. Earlier, about 3 or 4 c onversations prior to now, we were talking about a letter i am writing for a court case. Now, from the front room (after he tells me he does not want lunch with me and DD).
DH (yelling): how do you submit digital media?
me: what do you mean?
DH: what do you mean, 'what do i mean'?
me: what digital media are you submitting, and to who?'
dh: you don't know what digitial media is? Are you deliberately being awkward?
Me: i do not know the context
dh: ffs, the courts, obviously. How do we send digital media to the COURTS?
me: why do you want to send digital media, what are we sending?
DH: FFS! Photos!
me: we need to print them.
dh: you know that do you? No, you don't.
me: I do not know how to send them, whether they want it in hard copy or by email or on disk
dh: finally, you DON"T KNOW, why did you not just say that? I don;t know husband, i don;t know, what is that you don't know, ok dear you don;t know.
me: don;t be so horrible
dh: horrible. You treat me like i am asking a stupid question, treat me like an idiot. YOU are being nasty.

I just have absolutely no clue what is up with him. What on earth is this all about?

And now, he told DD she cannot play a computer game as she went on the computer earlier when he said no. But he did not say to her that the sanction would be no computer. He just turned off her tv programme as he wants to watch gp. Fine, he is the adult, but he just turns it over and when she got upset, he acted sulky 'you been watching it all morning, its my turn'. Like a child.

Excellent last post Pavlov, my DP is HORRENDUS with me when he is stressed, in fact everybody gets it when hes in "one of them moods". I think sometimes that men can be very selfish and blind. If you are heavily PG looking after DC and he is being an arse it is easy to get pissed off and angry, and he probably wouldnt even notice and even if he did, care. Of course once he is back to "normality" if he is anything like my DP he will be very sorry and realise he has been an ignorant and hurtful git. Hopefully all will settle soon.

Good luck. x

I just find it unbelievable that strangers can have an insight into someone they have never met based on a 'briefing'...

I am sure physcologists/ consellors etc don't churn out advice based on briefings of incidents.

I have an opinion don't get hung up on that, that's why I 'occassionally' have something to say...

I have been reading round looking for something of more substance (reason why I joined) than wives moaning about hubbies' behavior...I am still looking someone please direct me.

And thanks everyone for suggesting he has his mind elsewhere, stressed about something else. I think that is most likely very true. Just makes it hard to deal with the reality of the stress.

I am making a point of ignoring the snipes. But its hard as i find it upsetting.

We went for a walk this afternoon after gp finished, DD went on her bike and I waddled a bit. It cleared the air a little. For now.

Waiting until after tomorrow (full moon ) for things to calm down.

The court case - it is the builder's court case. He is claiming for the costs of work done to remedy his mistakes, and we are counterclaiming for the additional costs we incurred after sacking him. He stands no chance but we want our case to be watertight, and are including photographic evidence, plans, SE reports, BI reports etc. ilovemydog thanks for the advice. We were advised by legal people that we should put as much in now as possible, as we have so much, as by doing so he is much more likely to drop the case now rather than later on, saving us hassle, time and stress. Not that we will drop it

I feel like I should post because I was discussing your building works with someone in real life. I am glad they got sorted!

I get like that sometimes - I mean, like your husband is acting now. With me, it's overall stress. You've just come through an extremely difficult situation and have a slight breather. When that happens to me, all the angst and worry and head fuckiness comes out and I do tend to take it out on my nearest and dearest. It's like a bad cold; there's nothing anyone can do to fix it, I just have to wait it out. I think my husband has learned to take it with a grain of salt and just keeps out of my way and, sometimes if he's in a suicidal mood, makes fun of me for it. and

Not sure that's helpful but I don't know that there's anything you can do. He might feel like he's been treated like an idiot by the builder who's been nasty to him and is ascribing that feeling to something you're doing which isn't bad at all. (Ok, that's pop psychology but I know I do that, so I feel I can pontificate!)

Good luck with the next couple of weeks and the court case (ugh) and the baby (yay!).

I am totally at mummee's posts. And this is the first time in four years on mumsnet i have ever commented on another members posts.

" I just find it unbelievable that strangers can have an insight into someone they have never met based on a 'briefing'..."
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er... isnt that the point of MN to get an insight or opinions from other people?
___
"I have been reading round looking for something of more substance (reason why I joined) than wives moaning about hubbies' behavior...I am still looking someone please direct me."
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well, why dont you just do that, find something more of substance to quote on rather than being dismissive of someone elses problems?

mummee in which case why bother to read 'relationships' what do you think will be posted here? If you have something constructive to say regarding my situation fine, but what you have actually done, imo, is make a sweeping generalisation about why i and indeed others might post on 'relationships' might be 'moaning' and making a fuss. You know nothing about it. BUT, a lot of posters here do. Some possibly know more than people in my RL! You claim to have insight too though by presuming this is a one off, or that I am making myself out to be perfect.

JJ - you should see it now! It looks fab, albeit a bit 'different' to how it should. DD is asleep for the second time up there, its now her room! And good point about now things are easing off, more time to let it all out, there might be some truth in that.

DD is at nursery tomorrow, so maybe we will go and do something just us too, as well as sort out our bedroom which is horrendously messy after being a store room for so long!

Pav you being married for 12 years surely know when your hubby is under pressure and don't need the whole of England to tell you that.

It might not be what you want to hear.

Are you saying you never have bad days where you are offish because of pressure, worry etc

I can't imagine going through a court case of any form is easy. That could be a cause. It could be something else but I'm sure after 12 years nothing is new and you know how to handle it.

mummee of course i have off days. I have had a million off days over the last few months in particular. I have been a right royal cow at times and I realise it afterwards. And my DH goes to the pub and has a right ol moan about it with his friends. I chose to deal with it this way, alongside my RL support.

And, while I know what generally makes him tick, and what causes pressure - we have never in our life before been in a situation where we have had buiding work go wrong while being pregnant with a second child, while suffering severely from hyperemesis, DH losing his job, having a court case and living in complete and utter chaos and being pretty much robbed of our life savings. It is not surprising, that on occasion, i find it hard to take a step back and see what might be going on.

And I am not telling the whole of england about it. Only those who chose to read my thread.

I am finding you quite rude actually.

Just a quick one - Mummee, I've been married for nearly 15 years and my husband still continues to surprise me! Mainly in good ways It's one of the great things about being together. I think I'd find it immensely depressing if I felt there were nothing new left.

Pavlov - glad it looks fab. I have tried to visualise it but am crap at that sort of thing. Have a good day tomorrow.

And i completely disagree that 12 years means a relationship brings nothing new or surprising. I sincerely hope that is not true anyway.

JJ i will br posting some photos soon for the whole of england to look at! But first i need to put up some art work, then i will do 'before' and 'after' images!

Mummee... im genuinely curious, what New Posts have you made?

Because... I've made all manner of NPs in the past because it is a great way of gauging opinion from an unbiased audience.

I think you are extremely rude, to say the least, questioning whether Pavlov should have posted in the first place.

(and not married for 12 years, married for 2, together for 12).

Mummee - I think you're missing the point of MN and until you get it why not lurk a little

Pav - glad to hear the courtcase getting sorted - sorry to hear about DH's job and the stress, please please please take some time together tomorrow, even if it is just for a waddle to the park

Dizzy* thank you. DH has just told me that he will be sorting the bedroom tomorrow and I don't need to lift a finger. I at him in disbelief and he said seriously all he wants me to do is stay in bed and keep him company . Its a good start, lets hope it stays that way !

I was thinking, if the weather is like this tomorrow, flask of soup, crusty bread and a wintery waddle on the beach. Like old times.

sounds like a great plan - you can discuss all the important things like baby names

We need to, not got one yet! DD is pretty insistent on Reuben though , kept kissing my bump this evening while we had a bath saying 'Reuben is a boy isn't he? .

Or else we might put x-box on and play guitar hero perhaps we need to just have some fun.

Just a quick one - Mummee, I've been married for nearly 15 years and my husband still continues to surprise me! Mainly in good ways It's one of the great things about being together. I think I'd find it immensely depressing if I felt there were nothing new left.

I am pleased for you and exactly my point there is less of this said here.

I have been lurking for a bit and I randomly choose topics to read (pardon freedom of choice) and for some reason the majority of the ones I have come across are whingeing about other halves behaviour. No-one is perfect simple fact of life. What would I expect in relationship posts well lest I get beheaded I shan't voice my opinion.

Mankymum you straight away think I am rude even though you don't know me. Broadbrush this situation described maybe a one off just like my comments maybe one off and not constitute who I am. It's an opinion just like I had an opinion about this post.

Reuben is lovely and would have been DD2 if she's come out blue so you've got my vote

fun is good

dizzy so was DD, perhaps that is why she likes it!

mummee I am not entirely sure I understood much of your last post

Maybe he's feeling sorry for himself atm - lost confidence and being hard on himself because of the job he missed out on that he had his heart set on getting? Has he spoke much about it?

please don't take this the wrong way, but when you were having all the problems with the builder, your DH had a role to play and seemed to be quite effective. So now that the crisis has gone, and you are now both at home full time (assume you are on maternity leave now?) it must be difficult for both of you to be at home full time?

His comments to you sound as if he needs to know that you still respect him. He is being overly sensitive, it seems, but think he may need reassurance that you love and respect him, as he may feel that he is letting you down...

ilovemydog speaks sense - it is much how I often feel when I am snippy with DH.
I don't really handle failure well so I tend to project it outwards - not a good trait.
I hope you get a chance to have a chat with him and find out what is the root of his attitude at the moment.

ilmd - you got it i think. he has already said sorry a lot for not getting this most recent job, like it was his fault rather than there being another person also suitable (was a perfect job for him).

I have actually said to him, before this thread, that while he is not doing paid work we should perhaps more formally split roles so he does not feel like he is drifting along as 'unemployed' but be a proper house husband and carer so to speak. He does a lot in the hone, cooks all the meals, and now i am not able to do as much he does a lot of the housework. He does get under my feet a bit, or perhaps i under his now i am not at work, but if we balance the roles then we will each know where we stand, then when he gets a job we can re-assess again. He was like at it!

He also mentioned yesterday doing voluntary work to keep his skills up...excellent idea.

He has talked about not working...he is stuck in a rut of not being able to get certain jobs, any job, as he is over qualified but not qualified enough for others. I have tried to remind him of this, but he is starting to to think he is an 'idiot'. he uses that word a lot.

I do not know how else i can show i respect him. I think it is more about him not respecting himself and i can't seem to change that.

Pavlov, I think you are right - he needs to feel it himself. Probably he feels guilty for being mean to you too, which makes him even more irritable and more likely to be mean again (yep, I do this too )

He may well be a bit depressed too - but it sounds like you're doing the best you can to support him, he just needs to find it within himself to make the best of the situation he is in currently, rather than wishing it was different all the time.