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Lack of attention

5 replies

arabella2 · 29/05/2003 11:23

Don't quite know where to put this thread so have decided to put it under "relationships". At the risk of sounding childish and a bit selfish, I sometimes resent how little "attention" I get since the birth of ds. Ds is absolutely wonderful and totally deserving of all the love and attention he does get from everybody (dh and I and all three of his grandparents first and foremost). He needs it and is thriving with it so that's great.
I just mind a little when my mother only takes pictures of my dad with ds or gets my dad to take them of her with him. Loads like this... Or when on the wall of their flat near here (not where they live permanently) there is only a picture of ds with my dad and ds with my sister (golden girl). I mind a little when dh comes home and only has eyes for ds without asking me how I am etc... (still he has always been like that, long before ds came along), or when he showers ds with kisses and not me... Okay so I shower ds with kisses as well, but dh wouldn't actually like it if I did it to him. I also mind a little when you walk into a room of in laws and they also only have eyes for ds. Interestingly one of the people who doesn't make me feel like this is MIL who is really quite sweet, especially for the first 3 or 4 days we are together (can get rather bossy after that). My Dad walks into the house and obviously only wants to see ds. Maybe this is a reflection of how badly I get on with my parents and this is just amplified when you have kids???
Sometimes I can understand why people have affairs when married with kids - just the pure relief of someone being interested in you for yourself only...

Can anyone relate to any of this or do I just sound like Mrs Pathetic Victim?

OP posts:

M2T · 29/05/2003 11:36

I totally relate to this!

My mother told me not to expect much of a christmas present from them anymore as ds was more important (I know he is!). It wasn't for financial reasons, just that she had stopped getting presents when we were born. And that's just what happens when you become a parent. It was like she was saying "That's what YOU get for having a baby, how dare you".
She said this to me when ds was 5 mths old and I was in the depths of PND.

I feel that I am sometimes being punished for having a child.

The only time I see my Mum is when she picks up ds to stay over at theirs on Thursday night. Then she drops him off. She doesn't even stay for a coffee.

Looks like I am Mrs Pathetic McVictim.


tallulah · 29/05/2003 13:17

Totally relate to this too!

In my case, my brother is & always has been the blue-eyed boy, so I've never really had a lot of attention. What little I had disappeared when DD came along.

Sadly it gets worse. DD at 17 is beautiful, confident, popular, talented.. all the things you hope for your children.. & I'm jealous as hell!!! She came to work with me last year for the summer & everyone told me how lovely she was, then followed that with saying she was a "new improved version" of me... (I suppose that was a compliment?). presumably that makes me the old has-been?


whymummy · 29/05/2003 16:27

me too!! for the in-laws dh and i have become invisible,they make it quite clear that they only come to see us for the children,i used to get on with MIL before the children were born but now we dont she once said to me "a son is a son until he gets a wife" ha,ha,ha,ha and shes jealous of not having a say when it comes to the children
arabella if it was my parents i would feel like you so you`re not pathetic at all


breeze · 31/05/2003 08:05

Me too, I was explaining to my pg sil the other day that she should get used to all the attention that she gets while pg, because immediately you give birth it is like you become invisible.

It did seem weird at first, but now just laugh it off with comments like "of course I do not exist I am only the mother". My mum used to buy me Easter eggs until I had ds, now I get nothing.


StripyMouse · 31/05/2003 10:07

me too - especially on the present front - all of dh?s family is now jumping on the abnd wagon with this one and only buying for our dd. Great. I feel a bit petty feeling a bit grieved at this one - esp. as I go out of my way to buy all of them something and separate cards hand made from dd as well as one from us. I didn?t even get a bday card from majority of his family this year - obviously no longer as relevant as I used to hoo! (nice to see I am not the only one and this is "normal" behaviour)

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